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Category: Grief



It’s been quite a while since I last posted and as usual it’s because there’s been a lot going on! My life gets busier and busier. It also seems to be getting harder. Definitely not easier. The older we get, the more we must deal with, especially when it comes to the loss of loved ones. My last blog post was about the sudden loss of my young nephew. We are still dealing with that, our grief, our shock and disbelief and most of all…MISSING his physical presence in our lives. Since then I’ve received countless messages from people in a similar situation…they lost a loved one and now they want to connect with their spirit. They NEED to KNOW for absolute SURE that their loved one is okay.

I am here to tell you this…this I KNOW: our loved ones in spirit do NOT forget about us and they sure as heck to not LEAVE us. They just don’t. They CAN’T because we are all connected spiritually to each other. We share in the same essence of LIFE…the spiritual force of GOD. Now we have many names for God and it doesn’t matter what name is used…he/she/it/Universal Force/Knowing One/Great Spirit/Allah…etc. It all boils down to the same thing. Argue with me if you will and it matters not. It is what it is. Bold statement to make but I’m feeling bold today. I write what spirit moves me to write and today spirit (God) is telling me to write this. So I did.

I have lost many loved ones from physical life…to include many pets!…and even knowing they are in spirit, LIVING on and by no means gone, I still miss them. I still grief for the loss of their physical presence. I offer myself comfort by imagining them in spirit as I expect them to be…gloriously happy! It gives me some measure of peace but doesn’t take away the disappointment I feel for no longer sharing physical life with them.

I must remind you of this…we AGREED to these terms when we entered this life. We KNEW the score, what it would be like to come here, the fact that we were not going to be happy all the time and living a life filled with riches, our every want satisfied. We had that OVER THERE (on the “other side” as we like to call it). We entered this life to experience things…feelings of all types, conditions of all sorts. Some were born to feel what it’s like to be rich and famous, to have anything they want, others were born to experience what it is like to have NOTHING. Whatever life you are living…THAT IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO EXPERIENCE. Don’t like it? CHANGE it. Easy to say, difficult to do! Actually, to be honest, it isn’t difficult to change the conditions of your life but it is NEARLY impossible to change your MINDS about it! We THINK we are stuck with the life we are leading and so we are indeed stuck. Nothing is hard unless we make it hard. Being human, conditioned to believe as we do, we make everything HARD! We hear about rags-to-riches stories and we hear about miracles and we think…yeah, that won’t happen to me. And so it doesn’t. Goodness…I am sounding a bit like the people who wrote “The Secret” and how the “law of attraction” can work for you!  But you know what? That particular law has worked for countless people! People who overcame the limitations of their minds to experience the change they WANTED. I am here to tell you this…I am struggling right along with you!

I think there is nothing more disappointing than to KNOW something and yet not put that knowledge to use! Example. I am a writer. I’ve wanted to write since I was eight years old. That’s when I wrote my very first story (which I still remember quite well!!). Since that first story, I’ve been OBSESSED with writing. There was a time when I couldn’t STAND seeing a blank paper or computer screen in front of me…I HAD to fill them with words, stories! I am CONSTANTLY making up stories in my head. This obsession tells me that I was BORN TO BE A WRITER! This I KNOW. Yet, and get this, I didn’t publish my first book until I was 48 years old! What?!!!! True story. AND I did it myself. Rejection letters from literary agents nearly destroyed my belief that being a writer was my life calling! Then along came Amazon with the Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) program and suddenly there was no obstacle left to achieving my dream. I do believe that Amazon’s self-publishing program was created to help all of us writers realize a dream. Great, wonderful. Now my dreams have changed a bit and I am looking for READERS! (sigh) Once we reach one goal, we immediately make another, one a bit more challenging than the last! That’s not a bad thing, we are SUPPOSED to be doing that, but golly gee, if only things could get easier once in a while! So here’s my point: I KNOW I was meant to be a writer and I am. I write. I have NINE published books. It matters not that I published them myself or with a small independent publisher. I have PHYSICAL books that I can hold and that were created by me! Yay! Hurrah! BUT (and here’s the kicker) now I want readers to read my books! Not just because I believe my books can help them in many ways but because I want to make a living from doing what I love (seriously, don’t we all?). I don’t expect nor want a lavish life, just a comfortable one where I’m not constantly struggling to pay bills! I’m not out to be greedy. I don’t want much…I just want to lead a comfortable life and I want to have the ability to help others when they need a little help. I KNOW this is possible. I KNOW that if I can just force my limited-thinking brain to accept that this is NOT unreasonable, then I will find all the readers I want for my books! And sometimes it’s even happened. And then for some reason, I put the brakes on the whole thing. Ugh! WHY do I do that?

As much as I believe my stories will help people in some way…by showing them how to connect with spirit and even deal with all the aspects of dealing with spirit…I start second-guessing my ability, my stories, my readers and so on and so on. I will get a five-star, glowing review for one of my books and will be over the moon about it and then I will get a scathing one-star review and go plummeting back to earth, crash landing into despair and muddling about there until another five-star review pulls me out of the mess. It’s exhausting and it’s annoying. I don’t know why I can’t get it through my head that my stories are worthy of being read. They MUST be or they wouldn’t be in existence. It’s that nasty little voice that sneaks into my mind telling me that there are lots of things in existence that seem to have no purpose that causes all the problems. THAT voice, my dear friends, is our EGO. We all were saddled with one…a requirement to enter the earth plane and experience physical existence. Our Ego tears us down, builds us up, determines what we believe, don’t believe, accept, don’t accept, love, hate…etc. It’s a big, big deal to learn how to live peacefully with our Ego. It keeps us grounded in disbelief or sends us flying into flights of fancy and sometimes, when we get it right, we live the life we want! If only I could figure out that last bit on a regular basis! (sigh)

So anyway, here we are. Living a life that some of us are happy with and some of us aren’t. For the most part I’m pretty happy with my life. BUT, I do wish my books were best sellers! (smile) I’m still working on making that dream a reality. I’m not sure why my Ego keeps putting the brakes on that particular dream. I guess it’s a life lesson I have not yet mastered (obviously). Not too long ago I had a Bookbub promotion for my book NO MATTER WHAT. The story is based on reincarnation…which I DO believe in by the way! I wanted to show HOW reincarnation works and how it affects our life and I wanted to show that through a story. That promotion led to over 19,000 ebook downloads! My book made it to the number ONE slot for “Free books” in the Kindle store. I was over the moon excited! Then the promotion was over and the downloads plummeted to just a few books and then down to even fewer books and here I am, back where I started, wondering if I will ever “make it” as a writer. So yeah, I get it about how hard it is to change the conditions of our life. The upside is this: I KNOW it will eventually change, I just have to figure out HOW to make the change. Once I figure it all out, I’ll let ya know how I did it!

So back to our loved ones in spirit. There are many “there” (I put that in parenthesis because being in spirit means to be in a different state of consciousness, a different dimension of experience and not a physical location far from us) that I love and miss. My grandparents are two of them…my Nana and Grampy. I adored them. I loved them with my whole heart and mind and soul. I still do! Their passing into spirit was the hardest, saddest periods of my life. I have other times like that ahead and I dread it. I don’t have any easier time dealing with loss than those who don’t believe they can connect with spirits. As many times as I’ve connected with my Nana and Grampy and many others, I still struggle with my feelings of missing them. Despite KNOWING they are fine and connecting with them many times, I want what we all want…their physical presence. I have to tell you, though, that I’ve had some amazing experiences and continue to get them. My grandparents come through for me all the time. I think about them so much that they enter my consciousness often and give me physical signs of their presence. It’s quite comforting and I love knowing they are around…but I still miss them in the physical sense.

What I am trying to convey in this post is this: No matter how limiting your mind (Ego, belief), you CAN connect with your loved ones in spirit and you CAN change the conditions of your life. You CAN. We all…each and every single one of us…have the ability to connect with spirit and live the life we want. It’s DOING it that’s the problem. You’d think connecting once would make it easier to connect again but it isn’t. Not if your Ego, belief, is creating a problem. Like for me with my books. You’d think making it to the NUMBER ONE slot on Amazon’s best seller list would make it easier to do it again and even stay there but no, that’s not the case. Something happens to make me doubt the situation (like a scathing review!) and sales plummet! As for connecting with spirit, I’ve done it enough that I don’t have many problems with it anymore. Not for myself anyway. I shy away from connecting with loved ones for others. Not because I don’t believe I can but because I worry that maybe I’m not bringing the message through properly. After all, communicating with spirit is not done the same way as we communicate with each other in the physical world. Spirit connects with us through our consciousness and they do it through EMOTION and that is conveyed symbolically. Learning the process takes lots of practice. I have it down pretty good with my Nana and Grampy but when it comes to other people, I get a little shy about it. Meaning my Ego gets in the way! Annoying.

With all the messages I get from grieving people pleading with me to help them connect with someone they have lost physically, I have this to say: You CAN connect with them and are doing it more often than you think! For example, those dreams you get about a loved one in spirit…quite REAL! BUT, let me caution you here…if you have a dream where they are suffering…that is not from them! That is your EGO getting in the way, making you think they are suffering. I promise you, your loved ones are NOT suffering! If you LOVED them, they are LOVED by GOD as well. Your love comes from the Divine Source. If YOU wouldn’t make them suffer, God sure as heck won’t either! I promise you. Now, as for people who do evil deeds…they will totally regret those deeds once they are back in their spiritual form and consciously connected with their soul. They will be very sad for what they did and they’ll be back (via reincarnation) to make amends. That’s how it works. Hard as that might be to accept, even people who do evil deeds have people who love them! They don’t love what they DID but they love the PERSON (their soul…which is pure).

I don’t want to ramble on too much more and make this post too long so I’m going to bring this to a close. In my next post…which I promise won’t take forever to be published…I will help you understand your connection to spirit and how you can recognize when your loved ones in spirit are with you! Until then, I send you loving light and peace, I wish for you to be showered in love and I pray you figure out how to live the life you WANT! More than anything, I wish for those who are suffering grief to feel some measure of peace in knowing their loved ones are NEAR and they are truly okay. More than okay. They are THRIVING with the life force of God. Blessings to all!! May your lives move ever Onward and upward!!

 

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Sad girllAlthough we all shall one day cross into the “great beyond”, it is one of the hardest things for us to deal with in life. Despite knowing the soul lives on, the pain of physical loss is difficult to bear. It is especially hard when they are young. People are supposed to live to be ripe old senior citizens. They are supposed to have a long, well-lived life and die peacefully in their sleep. In a perfect world, that’s how it would be. But we don’t live in a perfect world do we?

My recent, devastating loss was a nephew. He was 27 and it seemed to all who knew him that he had much to live for. He was healthy, he was doing all the things he loved to do…fish, hunt, work outdoors. He was a hard worker but he took time to play. He was a good person and loved by all who knew him. He wasn’t perfect, but then who is? There’s not a living soul on this earth who is perfect. When we reach perfection, we don’t come “here”. But I digress.

Not only was my nephew loved by his family, his friends and his associates but he left a great impression on all those he came into contact with, no matter how brief that contact might be. But (and why does there always have to be a “but”?) behind all those smiles and that big heart was a troubled young man. We knew, of course, that he wanted a family, a home of his own and all that went with it, but he had time to get those things. Or so we thought. We knew his financial responsibilities were great but that’s because he was trying so very hard to be successful. He was one of the hardest working people I have ever known.

Despite all he had going for him, his sadness was great. We didn’t know and for that we are troubled. For that we feel guilty. For that we find it hard to forgive ourselves. If only…if only…if only. Those are a constant with all of us. They beat us up as we try to find peace and torment us with the question of “Why?”

I tell myself all the things that should give me comfort…he is not truly GONE, he is TRANSFORMED, his BODY is dead, HE is not, we are sad and filled with grief, HE is finally happy and at peace. We MISS him and yet he is WITH us. But it still hurts.

Sad as I am, guilty as I feel for not showing him more love the last few times I saw him, it is the sadness of my family that digs at my heart. Parents and grandparents should not outlive their children. In the perfect order of things…that’s not how it should work out. But again and I have to repeat it…we do not live in a perfect world.

The question of “Why?” is constantly asked. The desire to understand a nagging, unfulfilled need. Yet I know…I KNOW, that if he was to suddenly appear and give us the answers…we would NOT find satisfaction and peace from it. There’s no good reason, not a single one, for losing someone you love in the manner that we lost my nephew. But (there it is again), for HIM it was enough. He chose to do what he did that terrible, lonely night. WE did not. The one thing he did do that I am most grateful for, is tell us in his final message that although he was not happy with certain aspects of his life, he was not disappointed or upset with his family and friends. Even so, we are sad that we were not enough. We are not to blame for this and yet we feel guilty anyway. Truth is, this terrible tragedy has no one to blame but the demons of negative thinking and the untreated affects of depression.

THINK about this for a moment. Our thoughts CAN be our worst enemy if we allow their abuse to beat us down. BUT (finally a good reason for one of those buggers!) they can also be our BEST champion, our most supportive cheerleader and a tireless, amazing motivator. My nephew’s thoughts took him down and led him into spirit. And now it is OUR thoughts that must lift us up and help us come to terms with it.

There are a few good things to come out of this terrible tragedy, aside from the major one of having our family come together. One, I am making more of a conscious effort to ensure I remember to tell all those I love that I love them. We forget sometimes when we’re caught up in life and I don’t want to forget that anymore. Second, I am motivated to be more aware of what is going on with those I love. Not in a snoopy, “I want to be all up in your business” sort of aware, but in a genuine “I really care about what is happening with you” sort of way. Third, I want to do better about keeping my spiritual connections a priority in my life. My beliefs have developed through the experiences of my soul and I don’t want all that experience going to waste!

Beliefs aside, grief is going to be part of our lives from time to time. Our capacity to love will make it impossible to avoid. We all must go through it in our own way and at our own pace. With love and support, from your self and from others, you’ll get there. We are, after all, spiritual beings living in a physical world and our spiritual connections will help heal the wounded heart.

Once the physical loss isn’t so overwhelming, the shock of it no longer holding us frozen in disbelief, we’ll figure out a way to let go of what can no longer be. We’ll adjust. We’ll go on until we are reunited. Just remember, though, that when you reunite with loved ones “over there” you have grieving loved ones dealing with their loss of you “over here”. It’s a pretty sad cycle isn’t it? Or a joyous one…depending on how you look at it.

In the days since my nephew has passed, there have been signs that he’s still among us. His best friend went to the spot where they last fished together and it had been raining all morning. After having a “talk” with his departed friend, he said “If you can hear me, make it stop raining.” Yes indeed…that rain stopped long enough for it to matter. Long enough to help a grieving friend heal just a little bit. In another instance, a song came on suddenly that was one of his favorites. A song he sang along with the last time they listened to it. And one of my favorite signs was when he gave someone the urge to stop and buy flowers for his brokenhearted grandmother. The florist, it turned out, knew my nephew well and was sad to learn of his passing. She put together the same bouquet she always made when he stopped to buy his grandmother flowers.

One of the things those “over there” often express when in communication with someone “over here” is the frustration they feel on getting messages through to us. They give signs in all the ways they can think of and sometimes we notice, sometimes we don’t and often we explain it away. We label it a COINCIDENCE. Well let me tell you something about coincidences…they are SPIRIT IN ACTION. God’s doing, all.

When we cross into spirit…we BECOME spirit and since it is spirit (God) that makes all things…we become part of ALL that IS. To those of us “here” that means our transformed loved ones can use the sun, the wind, the water, the animals, the flowers…everything and anything to show us their love! They can stop the rain or play a song on the radio, they can urge you to buy flowers or make a heart out of clouds. They can dance around in butterfly wings or use a dog’s nose to nuzzle you. When something happens that makes you think of someone you love who is “over there”…that’s your SIGN they are with you HERE!

I have to share that my grandparents often use billboard signs and license plates to show me they are near. Whenever I am thinking of them quite strongly, I’ll suddenly see their names on license plates or other signage. It fills me with joy for I know it’s them letting me know they are with me still. I KNOW it and I feel loved, connected, when it happens.

I’m sad that my nephew thought his best move was to pass into spirit but now it’s done and we can’t change it. Much as we’d like to. Much as we beat ourselves up in all the ways we could have stopped him…if only we’d known. The thing is…if my nephew had wanted to be stopped from crossing over, then he would have been stopped. What happened, happened because he willed it. And it is that right there that’s troubling us so very much…our feelings of guilt that we weren’t enough reason to live, that we didn’t do enough to help him realize that. It makes no sense why we take the actions of others and make them our responsibility but we do it quite often. Why is that? Unless you murder someone with your own hands, you are NOT responsible for the death of another. No matter what their reasons are. Our actions, reactions and responses are our own. WE are the sole proprietor of our body, our emotions and our thoughts. My nephew was in charge of his life that night he decided to end it. I pray that this has shown all who have been touched by this event to seek help if depression and bad thoughts plague them. If they do not and take drastic measures, the mental and emotional pain will transfer to every single person they love. It is not, I am sure, what my nephew intended to have happen.

I pray that those who are finding it hardest to deal with this tragedy find peace soon. I pray we all move on with our lives and get our joy back. As for my nephew, well he’ll be with us from here on out, sharing our joy and comforting us in times of sorrow. It’s what we do with those we love…whether we reside in the physical world or the spiritual realm.

I pray that peace be with you. For all who are suffering grief in some way…I pray you find comfort in knowing that now they are in spirit, they are CLOSER than ever. Even so, you will miss them. That you must live with. And LIVE you must do because if you are still here, there’s a darn good reason for it! Say your goodbye, grieve, then move on. Focus on love. Peace will come and so will joy.

Blessings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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