Latest Entries »

Love is a Decision

tangled-up-hearts-ebook-7-26-15-2When I was in high school, I attended a 12-week Marriage Enrichment Seminar sponsored by my church. It’s purpose was to help teenagers understand the mechanics of marriage and what it takes to keep it going. Each week we discussed a different aspect about this all-important union. One week the topic was “Love is a Decision”. I had a problem with that one and argued with the moderators…two people I admired and respected, whose marriage I thought was perfect (it wasn’t but that’s another story!). Love, I told them (as if I knew anything about it!), was NOT a decision. It was a feeling. You either felt it or you didn’t. End of discussion. No, they insisted, it is NOT just a feeling, it is a DECISION and one you must make on a near daily basis! We ended that session on a stalemate. I just didn’t understand how love could be a decision. You don’t DECIDE to love someone. You either feel it or your don’t.

Oh how naive of me!

Four marriages later, I have learned this lesson quite thoroughly! Though I hate to admit my marital failures, they have made me who I am today. Not only am I happy with the person I have become but I was also blessed with three great kids. Given that, I regret nothing but oh how glad I am that I have finally learned that particular lesson! I’m here to tell you…whatever life is trying to teach you, the lessons involving it will keep on keeping on until you learn them! As to my current marriage, I am proud and blessed to say that it will take me to the end of my life. I know this because I’ve decided it’s worth keeping and nourishing. Praise God! We are eighteen years strong and making the decision to love all the time!

So what have I learned? How is it that love is a decision?

Where to begin. Falling in love is probably the easiest part of the whole process. That’s when FEELINGS are pretty much in charge and steering the course of the budding relationship. STAYING is love is where the problems start and feelings often get in the way! Wonderful though a person might be, as easy and fun as things are between you, eventually the darker side of one’s personality will come through. After all, none of us are PERFECT! It’s a gradual process but in time, the things that attracted you to someone will slowly start to irritate you. Once that happens, it will graduate to MORE than irritation! They will positively grate on your nerves! You know the saying “familiarity breeds contempt”? It’s a well-known phrase for a reason! Not only is it possible to become irritated by traits you initially were attracted to, the things you didn’t like but thought you could live with will become the focus of your discontent, aggravating you to near complete distraction!

Case in point. My first husband, Mr. Friendship, was very thoughtful and understanding with his friends. He was a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. I thought that was quite wonderful and I admired him for it. Until I didn’t. As time went on and I found myself second, third or LAST on his list of importance, I began to resent that our needy friends (he attracted quite a few of them) were absorbing all of his attention. Even so, I DECIDED to stay with him anyway, thus making the decision to love. Then his temper became a problem, and his morose thoughts and his sulking. It came to a point where I finally decided not to love. I couldn’t go on with the relationship though my feelings were still engaged. In this instance, love was a decision and I decided against it. Now I made that difficult decision because he had decided my feelings didn’t matter and he did nothing to help our floundering relationship. In essence, he had decided not to love me! In any relationship…BOTH partners must make the decision to love! One partner cannot carry the relationship alone. BOTH must be committed to making it work. Since Mr. Friendship thought our friends were more important than his wife and child and he did nothing to control his mood swings and morose temperament, I decided to end the marriage.

Next came Mr. Funny Guy. He was a lot of fun and he made me laugh. I needed to laugh after all the drama of the first disastrous marriage so I was all over that. As time went on, however, his constant joking became tiresome. That sense of humor I used to love made it hard for him to be serious about ANYTHING and I began to resent it. Even so, I DECIDED on the side of love and stayed in the relationship. I figured there were worse things to deal with. That’s when he went on to the worse things and cheated on me with other women. I decided to end the relationship because I couldn’t stay in a marriage that included his girlfriends! In both instances we had decided NOT to love. Now, I have to add here that my feelings were still engaged and making that DECISION was hard for me but I knew I was doing the right thing. I’ll explain in a moment how I knew that!

Next came Mr. Serious. After all the drama of the last marriage, I needed someone responsible and quiet and calm. Surprisingly (not), all those things began to grate on my nerves! He was TOO responsible and serious and far too calm. Boring. Even so, I decided to stick with it. After two failed marriages, I figured I’d made my bed and I was damn well going to sleep in it. Until he became possessive, controlling and abusive. Definitely not loving behavior. I decided quite quickly to put an end to the relationship, especially as he felt justified in being that way! An easy DECISION for me but a painful one. It’s really hard to go through a failure that you’ve already been through twice!

With the ending of each marriage, I went through a period of soul searching. I wanted to understand WHY I had to go through those experiences. I wanted to “get it” so I wouldn’t go through it again. Here’s what I learned:

One, find out how your prospective partner treats their parents. A man will probably be the same way with his wife as he is with his mother (I said PROBABLY because there are exceptions) and a woman will most likely be the same with her husband as she is with her father. Again, there are exceptions but this I have found to be a pretty good rule…generally. The three men in those failed marriages of mine had difficult relationships with their mothers! Mr. Friendship was very disrespectful to his (something I didn’t know until AFTER I married him!), Mr. Funny Guy constantly lied to his (again, something I was unaware of until AFTER I was too deep into the relationship to want to out of it) and Mr. Serious had an abusive, alcoholic mother (something I was aware of but thought I could somehow make up for! You know the … oh, you are broken in this area, let me fix it! Ugh!) Side note: You canNOT fix people!

Two, how does your love interest handle anger? If he or she is in a fury but doesn’t get physically harmful, then you are probably safe from future physical abuse.  I must add something here in regards to that. It’s important to know how alcohol influences your partner. How does it affect their behavior? I know someone who isn’t physically abusive when he’s sober and mad but when he’s drunk and mad…another story! One thing I have learned for certain is that physically abusive people will continue that behavior unless they undergo serious help (which many DO NOT!) Decide to love YOURSELF in this instance and get out of the relationship before you get in too deep to care! Now, on the other side of it, if your partner is taking steps to control and manage his or her temper (or other bad behavior), then they are making the decision to LOVE and that’s a big deal! (smile)

Three, think about the things you love about your partner and then think about those things happening CONSTANTLY. Can live with that? If not, you might want to get out of the relationship before it gets too serious!

Finally, if there are things about your partner that you don’t particularly care for but think you can live with, think again. If the thought goes through your mind that you’ll change him or her (or they’ll change on their own thanks to your influence!) then forget that too because it’s NOT going to happen. He is who he is. She is who she is. End of story! Now that’s not to say a person doesn’t continue to evolve, but I think it’s safe to say that by the time we reach adulthood, we have pretty much cemented into being the person we are going to be.

When I met my true life mate, Mr. Perfect for Me, he passed the criteria I’d learned up to that point. He had a great relationship with his mother, his temper is quick and noisy but physically harmless (even when he’s imbibed a little too much) and his responsible nature does allow for some fun. Given all that, I decided I could deal with his obsession about getting things done NOW rather than later (I’ve a deplorable tendency to do the latter and thankfully he’s willing to deal with that!). Additionally, I didn’t expect to change anything about him! I loved him just the way he was.

Now the problem about relationships is that no one can be on their very best behavior ALL THE TIME! We are HUMAN and we’ll do HUMAN things. Eventually our relationships become work. When that happens, then both partners must DECIDE whether to go on or not. Meaning, of course, that they must decide whether or not they will love their partner enough to stay. My husband and I have done so. When anger arises, both must DECIDE to either stay mad or let it go. My husband and I let it go. It’s a near daily process, this decision to love. Let me tell you, it’s not an easy decision to make when you are really, truly pissed! In situations like that, love is no longer just a feeling, it’s a darn decision!

Example. My husband will NOT drive more than a couple miles over the speed limit no matter how dire it might be that we get somewhere by a specific time.  I’m no speed demon but when I’m running behind, my foot tends to press a little harder on that gas pedal. Not him. Nope. He’s content to be a little late. I have to be honest here and admit that it occasionally grates on my nerves!  As I sit beside him slowly seething, I have to decide whether to keep seething or let it go. I might seethe for the duration of the ride but I do eventually let it go. There was a time, however, when I would not. There was a dark period in our relationship when I DECIDED I was not putting up with stuff like that and I’d harp on him and harp on him until we were fighting like the proverbial cat and dog! During that same dark phase, it seemed I was mad at him all the time and he was just as mad at me. I wouldn’t give in and neither would he. We were both at a point where we were making the decision not to love more and more often! It nearly destroyed us. It came to a point where our relationship looked like it was coming to an end. It was then that I realized I didn’t want it to end. I DECIDED our marriage was worth saving! That was a huge decision on the side of love because it meant letting go of all my resentful feelings! Coming to that decision made me view our relationship from a different perspective. I realized my behavior was not acceptable. All those decisions not to love were definitely part of the problem and I was finally ready to do something about it! He came to the same conclusion and made the same decision! From that point on, we entered a whole new phase of our relationship. It continues to this day. Even so, we still have to make the decision to love quite often!

When you are in the midst of a disagreement, ask yourself this question: Is it worth hurting your relationship to keep fighting? If you keep on with the argument then you’ve decided not to love your partner in that moment. I can tell you this…once you’ve made a decision on whether your relationship is worth saving or not, making future decisions like this are easier to make! When I finally made the DECISION to end my first three marriages, it was a HUGE relief! Those relationships were draining me emotionally. Equally important, when I made the decision to stay in my current marriage (during that dark phase), that too was a huge relief! Big decisions like that…to stay in a relationship or not…help you make future decisions…like whether or not you should continue an argument. Once I made the decision to end those first three marriages, all their tears and empty promises and short periods of perfect behavior did not change my mind. When I hadn’t yet DECIDED to end the marriages, all those things kept it going. I gave in to the tears and the empty promises and the brief periods of good behavior. Conversely, when I decided to end the marriages, those things did not sway me. Why? Because I knew in my heart that the decision I made was the right one.

Although you are constantly having to make the decision to love or not, especially when disagreements arise, don’t make any MAJOR decisions while you are emotionally upset! When it comes to deciding things like whether you should go on with a relationship or not, you need to be in a calm frame of mind. Go somewhere quiet, somewhere that instills peace within you. Think about the issues at hand, the relationship as a whole, and put the question “out there” into the universe. Do I stay or do I go? Once you’ve done this, put your focus on something else, the area around you, for instance, and its calming affect. Think about anything but the relationship and the answer you are seeking! Enjoy a moment of peace and know that your answer will come to you when you are ready to hear it. When that time comes, it will just pop into your head and filter gently into your heart. You’ll just KNOW that decision is the right one because you’ll experience a sense of relief for having made it. I believe moments like these are when our soul is talking to us (or God) and that is why we feel such conviction, such a sense of relief! Armed with your answer, go forth and act on that decision accordingly!

I see so many relationships fall apart and it saddens me to witness the heartache that often accompanies the disintegration. To save yourself from heartache and to keep a relationship going that you WANT to stay in, you must be willing to make the DECISION to love when things are not going smoothly. If you go on the attack, you are deciding NOT TO LOVE. Conversely, walking away from your partner and ignoring their feelings is also a decision NOT TO LOVE. Walking away to calm the situation down is one thing, walking away because you refuse to deal with the situation is something else altogether! Just be sure that if you do walk away, your partner knows it’s because you are doing so in order to calm down the elevated emotions and not because you are refusing to deal with the issue and pursue a resolution to it! Again though, I must caution you…don’t make a MAJOR decision about your relationship while you are upset! If you go with your FEELINGS in the heat of a moment, you are probably going to decide not to love and you may even end the relationship (which you might later regret). Upsetting situations are when you most need to make the decision to love, regardless of how you are FEELING in that moment. This I can’t stress enough…if the relationship is worth saving, then DECIDE to love and act in accordance with that decision! Name calling and demeaning comments are both done when you have decided NOT to love! Bringing up past problems and mistakes is a decision not to love. Walking away from a confrontation that is spiraling out of control is a decision to love (just remember that the issues still must be dealt with!). Compromising is a decision to love. Standing firm on an issue regardless what your partner wants is a decision not to love. Now, in regards to that last, if your partner wants something like another lover (for instance) then you should decide to love YOURSELF and end the relationship! This does lead me to one final point….if you are constantly making the decision to love YOURSELF and not your partner, then you’ve made your decision about the relationship and you should end it. Don’t keep your partner hanging in a relationship that you’ve decided not to love! It will only hurt BOTH of you and it will hurt MORE the longer it goes on!

I think it’s worth noting one more point about unacceptable behavior…make sure you and your partner knows what they are! This way, you both know what behaviors and actions are possible relationship enders! For me, cheating and physical abuse are definite relationship enders!

I got into a discussion on Facebook recently where someone said that evil people are not born that way. My response to that was “Love is a decision. Evil is a decision.” So no, people are not born in any particular way…they DECIDE how they will be as they go through life. All of our behaviors and actions are the result of a decision we make…and all those decisions are based on LOVE or not. Try to be cognizant of where your decisions are coming from. If your decisions are NOT based on love, don’t be surprised at how terribly wrong things can go from there!

I really wanted to share this message with you because I believe it’s an important one to share. I would welcome others to leave comments in regards to this issue. Have you examples of Deciding to Love or Deciding Not to Love? Do you agree or disagree with any of the above? If so, why?

So that’s it, my post in a nutshell…love is a decision. Based on that, I’ve decided to love you all and send blessings out to everyone!

Peace be with you.

It’s been quite a while since I last posted and as usual it’s because there’s been a lot going on! My life gets busier and busier. It also seems to be getting harder. Definitely not easier. The older we get, the more we must deal with, especially when it comes to the loss of loved ones. My last blog post was about the sudden loss of my young nephew. We are still dealing with that, our grief, our shock and disbelief and most of all…MISSING his physical presence in our lives. Since then I’ve received countless messages from people in a similar situation…they lost a loved one and now they want to connect with their spirit. They NEED to KNOW for absolute SURE that their loved one is okay.

I am here to tell you this…this I KNOW: our loved ones in spirit do NOT forget about us and they sure as heck to not LEAVE us. They just don’t. They CAN’T because we are all connected spiritually to each other. We share in the same essence of LIFE…the spiritual force of GOD. Now we have many names for God and it doesn’t matter what name is used…he/she/it/Universal Force/Knowing One/Great Spirit/Allah…etc. It all boils down to the same thing. Argue with me if you will and it matters not. It is what it is. Bold statement to make but I’m feeling bold today. I write what spirit moves me to write and today spirit (God) is telling me to write this. So I did.

I have lost many loved ones from physical life…to include many pets!…and even knowing they are in spirit, LIVING on and by no means gone, I still miss them. I still grief for the loss of their physical presence. I offer myself comfort by imagining them in spirit as I expect them to be…gloriously happy! It gives me some measure of peace but doesn’t take away the disappointment I feel for no longer sharing physical life with them.

I must remind you of this…we AGREED to these terms when we entered this life. We KNEW the score, what it would be like to come here, the fact that we were not going to be happy all the time and living a life filled with riches, our every want satisfied. We had that OVER THERE (on the “other side” as we like to call it). We entered this life to experience things…feelings of all types, conditions of all sorts. Some were born to feel what it’s like to be rich and famous, to have anything they want, others were born to experience what it is like to have NOTHING. Whatever life you are living…THAT IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO EXPERIENCE. Don’t like it? CHANGE it. Easy to say, difficult to do! Actually, to be honest, it isn’t difficult to change the conditions of your life but it is NEARLY impossible to change your MINDS about it! We THINK we are stuck with the life we are leading and so we are indeed stuck. Nothing is hard unless we make it hard. Being human, conditioned to believe as we do, we make everything HARD! We hear about rags-to-riches stories and we hear about miracles and we think…yeah, that won’t happen to me. And so it doesn’t. Goodness…I am sounding a bit like the people who wrote “The Secret” and how the “law of attraction” can work for you!  But you know what? That particular law has worked for countless people! People who overcame the limitations of their minds to experience the change they WANTED. I am here to tell you this…I am struggling right along with you!

I think there is nothing more disappointing than to KNOW something and yet not put that knowledge to use! Example. I am a writer. I’ve wanted to write since I was eight years old. That’s when I wrote my very first story (which I still remember quite well!!). Since that first story, I’ve been OBSESSED with writing. There was a time when I couldn’t STAND seeing a blank paper or computer screen in front of me…I HAD to fill them with words, stories! I am CONSTANTLY making up stories in my head. This obsession tells me that I was BORN TO BE A WRITER! This I KNOW. Yet, and get this, I didn’t publish my first book until I was 48 years old! What?!!!! True story. AND I did it myself. Rejection letters from literary agents nearly destroyed my belief that being a writer was my life calling! Then along came Amazon with the Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) program and suddenly there was no obstacle left to achieving my dream. I do believe that Amazon’s self-publishing program was created to help all of us writers realize a dream. Great, wonderful. Now my dreams have changed a bit and I am looking for READERS! (sigh) Once we reach one goal, we immediately make another, one a bit more challenging than the last! That’s not a bad thing, we are SUPPOSED to be doing that, but golly gee, if only things could get easier once in a while! So here’s my point: I KNOW I was meant to be a writer and I am. I write. I have NINE published books. It matters not that I published them myself or with a small independent publisher. I have PHYSICAL books that I can hold and that were created by me! Yay! Hurrah! BUT (and here’s the kicker) now I want readers to read my books! Not just because I believe my books can help them in many ways but because I want to make a living from doing what I love (seriously, don’t we all?). I don’t expect nor want a lavish life, just a comfortable one where I’m not constantly struggling to pay bills! I’m not out to be greedy. I don’t want much…I just want to lead a comfortable life and I want to have the ability to help others when they need a little help. I KNOW this is possible. I KNOW that if I can just force my limited-thinking brain to accept that this is NOT unreasonable, then I will find all the readers I want for my books! And sometimes it’s even happened. And then for some reason, I put the brakes on the whole thing. Ugh! WHY do I do that?

As much as I believe my stories will help people in some way…by showing them how to connect with spirit and even deal with all the aspects of dealing with spirit…I start second-guessing my ability, my stories, my readers and so on and so on. I will get a five-star, glowing review for one of my books and will be over the moon about it and then I will get a scathing one-star review and go plummeting back to earth, crash landing into despair and muddling about there until another five-star review pulls me out of the mess. It’s exhausting and it’s annoying. I don’t know why I can’t get it through my head that my stories are worthy of being read. They MUST be or they wouldn’t be in existence. It’s that nasty little voice that sneaks into my mind telling me that there are lots of things in existence that seem to have no purpose that causes all the problems. THAT voice, my dear friends, is our EGO. We all were saddled with one…a requirement to enter the earth plane and experience physical existence. Our Ego tears us down, builds us up, determines what we believe, don’t believe, accept, don’t accept, love, hate…etc. It’s a big, big deal to learn how to live peacefully with our Ego. It keeps us grounded in disbelief or sends us flying into flights of fancy and sometimes, when we get it right, we live the life we want! If only I could figure out that last bit on a regular basis! (sigh)

So anyway, here we are. Living a life that some of us are happy with and some of us aren’t. For the most part I’m pretty happy with my life. BUT, I do wish my books were best sellers! (smile) I’m still working on making that dream a reality. I’m not sure why my Ego keeps putting the brakes on that particular dream. I guess it’s a life lesson I have not yet mastered (obviously). Not too long ago I had a Bookbub promotion for my book NO MATTER WHAT. The story is based on reincarnation…which I DO believe in by the way! I wanted to show HOW reincarnation works and how it affects our life and I wanted to show that through a story. That promotion led to over 19,000 ebook downloads! My book made it to the number ONE slot for “Free books” in the Kindle store. I was over the moon excited! Then the promotion was over and the downloads plummeted to just a few books and then down to even fewer books and here I am, back where I started, wondering if I will ever “make it” as a writer. So yeah, I get it about how hard it is to change the conditions of our life. The upside is this: I KNOW it will eventually change, I just have to figure out HOW to make the change. Once I figure it all out, I’ll let ya know how I did it!

So back to our loved ones in spirit. There are many “there” (I put that in parenthesis because being in spirit means to be in a different state of consciousness, a different dimension of experience and not a physical location far from us) that I love and miss. My grandparents are two of them…my Nana and Grampy. I adored them. I loved them with my whole heart and mind and soul. I still do! Their passing into spirit was the hardest, saddest periods of my life. I have other times like that ahead and I dread it. I don’t have any easier time dealing with loss than those who don’t believe they can connect with spirits. As many times as I’ve connected with my Nana and Grampy and many others, I still struggle with my feelings of missing them. Despite KNOWING they are fine and connecting with them many times, I want what we all want…their physical presence. I have to tell you, though, that I’ve had some amazing experiences and continue to get them. My grandparents come through for me all the time. I think about them so much that they enter my consciousness often and give me physical signs of their presence. It’s quite comforting and I love knowing they are around…but I still miss them in the physical sense.

What I am trying to convey in this post is this: No matter how limiting your mind (Ego, belief), you CAN connect with your loved ones in spirit and you CAN change the conditions of your life. You CAN. We all…each and every single one of us…have the ability to connect with spirit and live the life we want. It’s DOING it that’s the problem. You’d think connecting once would make it easier to connect again but it isn’t. Not if your Ego, belief, is creating a problem. Like for me with my books. You’d think making it to the NUMBER ONE slot on Amazon’s best seller list would make it easier to do it again and even stay there but no, that’s not the case. Something happens to make me doubt the situation (like a scathing review!) and sales plummet! As for connecting with spirit, I’ve done it enough that I don’t have many problems with it anymore. Not for myself anyway. I shy away from connecting with loved ones for others. Not because I don’t believe I can but because I worry that maybe I’m not bringing the message through properly. After all, communicating with spirit is not done the same way as we communicate with each other in the physical world. Spirit connects with us through our consciousness and they do it through EMOTION and that is conveyed symbolically. Learning the process takes lots of practice. I have it down pretty good with my Nana and Grampy but when it comes to other people, I get a little shy about it. Meaning my Ego gets in the way! Annoying.

With all the messages I get from grieving people pleading with me to help them connect with someone they have lost physically, I have this to say: You CAN connect with them and are doing it more often than you think! For example, those dreams you get about a loved one in spirit…quite REAL! BUT, let me caution you here…if you have a dream where they are suffering…that is not from them! That is your EGO getting in the way, making you think they are suffering. I promise you, your loved ones are NOT suffering! If you LOVED them, they are LOVED by GOD as well. Your love comes from the Divine Source. If YOU wouldn’t make them suffer, God sure as heck won’t either! I promise you. Now, as for people who do evil deeds…they will totally regret those deeds once they are back in their spiritual form and consciously connected with their soul. They will be very sad for what they did and they’ll be back (via reincarnation) to make amends. That’s how it works. Hard as that might be to accept, even people who do evil deeds have people who love them! They don’t love what they DID but they love the PERSON (their soul…which is pure).

I don’t want to ramble on too much more and make this post too long so I’m going to bring this to a close. In my next post…which I promise won’t take forever to be published…I will help you understand your connection to spirit and how you can recognize when your loved ones in spirit are with you! Until then, I send you loving light and peace, I wish for you to be showered in love and I pray you figure out how to live the life you WANT! More than anything, I wish for those who are suffering grief to feel some measure of peace in knowing their loved ones are NEAR and they are truly okay. More than okay. They are THRIVING with the life force of God. Blessings to all!! May your lives move ever Onward and upward!!


Sad girllAlthough we all shall one day cross into the “great beyond”, it is one of the hardest things for us to deal with in life. Despite knowing the soul lives on, the pain of physical loss is difficult to bear. It is especially hard when they are young. People are supposed to live to be ripe old senior citizens. They are supposed to have a long, well-lived life and die peacefully in their sleep. In a perfect world, that’s how it would be. But we don’t live in a perfect world do we?

My recent, devastating loss was a nephew. He was 27 and it seemed to all who knew him that he had much to live for. He was healthy, he was doing all the things he loved to do…fish, hunt, work outdoors. He was a hard worker but he took time to play. He was a good person and loved by all who knew him. He wasn’t perfect, but then who is? There’s not a living soul on this earth who is perfect. When we reach perfection, we don’t come “here”. But I digress.

Not only was my nephew loved by his family, his friends and his associates but he left a great impression on all those he came into contact with, no matter how brief that contact might be. But (and why does there always have to be a “but”?) behind all those smiles and that big heart was a troubled young man. We knew, of course, that he wanted a family, a home of his own and all that went with it, but he had time to get those things. Or so we thought. We knew his financial responsibilities were great but that’s because he was trying so very hard to be successful. He was one of the hardest working people I have ever known.

Despite all he had going for him, his sadness was great. We didn’t know and for that we are troubled. For that we feel guilty. For that we find it hard to forgive ourselves. If only…if only…if only. Those are a constant with all of us. They beat us up as we try to find peace and torment us with the question of “Why?”

I tell myself all the things that should give me comfort…he is not truly GONE, he is TRANSFORMED, his BODY is dead, HE is not, we are sad and filled with grief, HE is finally happy and at peace. We MISS him and yet he is WITH us. But it still hurts.

Sad as I am, guilty as I feel for not showing him more love the last few times I saw him, it is the sadness of my family that digs at my heart. Parents and grandparents should not outlive their children. In the perfect order of things…that’s not how it should work out. But again and I have to repeat it…we do not live in a perfect world.

The question of “Why?” is constantly asked. The desire to understand a nagging, unfulfilled need. Yet I know…I KNOW, that if he was to suddenly appear and give us the answers…we would NOT find satisfaction and peace from it. There’s no good reason, not a single one, for losing someone you love in the manner that we lost my nephew. But (there it is again), for HIM it was enough. He chose to do what he did that terrible, lonely night. WE did not. The one thing he did do that I am most grateful for, is tell us in his final message that although he was not happy with certain aspects of his life, he was not disappointed or upset with his family and friends. Even so, we are sad that we were not enough. We are not to blame for this and yet we feel guilty anyway. Truth is, this terrible tragedy has no one to blame but the demons of negative thinking and the untreated affects of depression.

THINK about this for a moment. Our thoughts CAN be our worst enemy if we allow their abuse to beat us down. BUT (finally a good reason for one of those buggers!) they can also be our BEST champion, our most supportive cheerleader and a tireless, amazing motivator. My nephew’s thoughts took him down and led him into spirit. And now it is OUR thoughts that must lift us up and help us come to terms with it.

There are a few good things to come out of this terrible tragedy, aside from the major one of having our family come together. One, I am making more of a conscious effort to ensure I remember to tell all those I love that I love them. We forget sometimes when we’re caught up in life and I don’t want to forget that anymore. Second, I am motivated to be more aware of what is going on with those I love. Not in a snoopy, “I want to be all up in your business” sort of aware, but in a genuine “I really care about what is happening with you” sort of way. Third, I want to do better about keeping my spiritual connections a priority in my life. My beliefs have developed through the experiences of my soul and I don’t want all that experience going to waste!

Beliefs aside, grief is going to be part of our lives from time to time. Our capacity to love will make it impossible to avoid. We all must go through it in our own way and at our own pace. With love and support, from your self and from others, you’ll get there. We are, after all, spiritual beings living in a physical world and our spiritual connections will help heal the wounded heart.

Once the physical loss isn’t so overwhelming, the shock of it no longer holding us frozen in disbelief, we’ll figure out a way to let go of what can no longer be. We’ll adjust. We’ll go on until we are reunited. Just remember, though, that when you reunite with loved ones “over there” you have grieving loved ones dealing with their loss of you “over here”. It’s a pretty sad cycle isn’t it? Or a joyous one…depending on how you look at it.

In the days since my nephew has passed, there have been signs that he’s still among us. His best friend went to the spot where they last fished together and it had been raining all morning. After having a “talk” with his departed friend, he said “If you can hear me, make it stop raining.” Yes indeed…that rain stopped long enough for it to matter. Long enough to help a grieving friend heal just a little bit. In another instance, a song came on suddenly that was one of his favorites. A song he sang along with the last time they listened to it. And one of my favorite signs was when he gave someone the urge to stop and buy flowers for his brokenhearted grandmother. The florist, it turned out, knew my nephew well and was sad to learn of his passing. She put together the same bouquet she always made when he stopped to buy his grandmother flowers.

One of the things those “over there” often express when in communication with someone “over here” is the frustration they feel on getting messages through to us. They give signs in all the ways they can think of and sometimes we notice, sometimes we don’t and often we explain it away. We label it a COINCIDENCE. Well let me tell you something about coincidences…they are SPIRIT IN ACTION. God’s doing, all.

When we cross into spirit…we BECOME spirit and since it is spirit (God) that makes all things…we become part of ALL that IS. To those of us “here” that means our transformed loved ones can use the sun, the wind, the water, the animals, the flowers…everything and anything to show us their love! They can stop the rain or play a song on the radio, they can urge you to buy flowers or make a heart out of clouds. They can dance around in butterfly wings or use a dog’s nose to nuzzle you. When something happens that makes you think of someone you love who is “over there”…that’s your SIGN they are with you HERE!

I have to share that my grandparents often use billboard signs and license plates to show me they are near. Whenever I am thinking of them quite strongly, I’ll suddenly see their names on license plates or other signage. It fills me with joy for I know it’s them letting me know they are with me still. I KNOW it and I feel loved, connected, when it happens.

I’m sad that my nephew thought his best move was to pass into spirit but now it’s done and we can’t change it. Much as we’d like to. Much as we beat ourselves up in all the ways we could have stopped him…if only we’d known. The thing is…if my nephew had wanted to be stopped from crossing over, then he would have been stopped. What happened, happened because he willed it. And it is that right there that’s troubling us so very much…our feelings of guilt that we weren’t enough reason to live, that we didn’t do enough to help him realize that. It makes no sense why we take the actions of others and make them our responsibility but we do it quite often. Why is that? Unless you murder someone with your own hands, you are NOT responsible for the death of another. No matter what their reasons are. Our actions, reactions and responses are our own. WE are the sole proprietor of our body, our emotions and our thoughts. My nephew was in charge of his life that night he decided to end it. I pray that this has shown all who have been touched by this event to seek help if depression and bad thoughts plague them. If they do not and take drastic measures, the mental and emotional pain will transfer to every single person they love. It is not, I am sure, what my nephew intended to have happen.

I pray that those who are finding it hardest to deal with this tragedy find peace soon. I pray we all move on with our lives and get our joy back. As for my nephew, well he’ll be with us from here on out, sharing our joy and comforting us in times of sorrow. It’s what we do with those we love…whether we reside in the physical world or the spiritual realm.

I pray that peace be with you. For all who are suffering grief in some way…I pray you find comfort in knowing that now they are in spirit, they are CLOSER than ever. Even so, you will miss them. That you must live with. And LIVE you must do because if you are still here, there’s a darn good reason for it! Say your goodbye, grieve, then move on. Focus on love. Peace will come and so will joy.











In my Tess Schafer-Medium series, the main character, Tess, is just what the series’ title claims…a medium, BUT she also has regular communications with her Spirit Guide Sheila. This aspect of Tess’s character is an integral part of who she is. Although speaking to “the dead” is her special ability, it’s her regular communications with Sheila that are more indicative as to her spiritual openness.

We all have Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels. Every single one of us. In fact, we have more than one. How many Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels are assigned to us, I can’t say and wouldn’t even try to guess. The number varies for each of us. Regardless of how many there are, only one is considered the “leader” of each team and that is the one you would interact with the most. If, that is, you choose to do that.

Guardian Angels do as their name implies…they watch over you and are there for you when you need them. They will also greet you when you “cross over” into spirit. Sometimes they might make contact with you but typically it is your Spirit Guide that is your main point of contact when communicating with spirit.

One point I want to make about Guardian Angels is that you MUST ASK for their help if you want it. This is important to know because they cannot intervene or assist you without your permission.

Spirit Guides are actually assigned to you before you are even born. In fact, you worked closely with your Spirit Guides before you entered into this life existence. You had goals and experiences you wanted to encounter here in the physical world and your Spirit Guides do their best to help keep you on track with those goals. Other things like Numerology, Palmistry, Astrology, Tarot cards and the like are tools given to us to help achieve those goals. Sadly, many of us ignore these tools. If we’d pay more attention to them, our life path would move along much more smoothly.

In my book series, whenever Tess wants to talk to Sheila, she just starts talking (usually she runs a dialogue in her head but as we are wont to do, sometimes she talks out loud). Whenever she is in communications with Sheila, she never has to wait for a reply. Now, it’s true that they aren’t usually the answers she WANTS but our Spirit Guides aren’t here to do all the work for us. How are we to learn anything if they just give us all the answers? What they are is our support team, our cheering section if you will. They also help us to see all sides of an issue so there is that!

I can tell you this…they do not and will not tell us what to do. We have FREE WILL for a reason. This is OUR life to live and we are master of our OWN destiny. However, since they know our soul’s aspirations, our purpose for living, they are great sounding boards and are asolutely the best ones to turn to when working through a problem or concern!

Although my book series is fiction, I wanted to show through story-telling what it is like to be a medium and I wanted to expose readers to other spiritual related things…like symbolism, spirit contact and the various divining tools we can all use to help us navigate through the mystery, the drama and the frustrations of life.

In this post, I wanted to give some pointers on how you can communicate with your Spirit Guide. Why? Because no one will be more helpful in getting you to your life goals or through a difficult situation. Another grand thing is your Spirit Guide will love you no matter what. Your Spirit Guide will not be disappointed with your decisions and choices and mistakes. Your Spirit Guide will ALWAYS be your personal, devoted champion.

So how do you communicate? It’s so darn easy it’s ridiculous. Practically unbelievable. But true.

  1. It must be clear in your mind that you are opening up communications between you and your guide. INTENT determines so many things for us!
  2. Start a conversation, directing the question or comment to your guide.
  3. The response will be so quick you’ll think it’s just you talking to yourself. Fine. So what? Go with it! Your Spirit Guide speaks to you through your own thought processes and that’s how it feels, like you are talking to yourself…only you’ll notice a subtle difference to your internal voice. Another thing you’ll notice is their responses are never critical, discouraging or disappointing. It’s ALWAYS a positive experience communicating with your guide. Always. No exceptions. If you are getting responses that make you feel bad or fearful or down then it isn’t your Spirit Guide talking to you, it’s your Ego. We all have an Ego, it’s an essential part of who we are as a human personality. The Ego’s job is to keep us grounded in the reality of this world! Honestly, without an Ego we’d all be wanting to go back to spirit and we’d have said goodbye to this hard life long ago!
  4. If your Ego intervenes, give it something to focus on…music, a candle’s flickering flame, an object, whatever you can find, then try again. Mostly you just have to trust that you’ll hear from your guide, and if you hear any criticism over it, ignore it and wait for the loving voice to start talking! Once you hear that, you’ll be so focused on it that your Ego will be silent.

Now, there are many others who go through rituals to do this. That’s fine for them. If you need a ritual to help prepare you and authenticate the experience then do a search on how others do it. This is how I do it. I’ve tried many other ways and finally figured out (with the help of my guide) that I didn’t need to complicate the process. Thank goodness because sometimes I don’t have a lot of time to go through rituals…I need to talk and talk NOW!

Spiritual interaction is seriously that easy. It’s so easy we find it hard to believe and accept. And that right there is why so many people miss out on developing a close, open relationship with their guides.

Tess shows the process quite well in her stories and I love writing those scenes. I even love that Tess rejected her Spirit Guide for a while when things in her life went horribly bad (in her first book Be Still, My Love). That’s what many of us “humans” do…we get discouraged and we reject the things we thought should have made it better. But the thing is…her Spirit Guide didn’t get upset with her over the rejection and years of silence…because they don’t feel negative emotions. WE do. They do not. The more I write the Tess Schafer-Medium books, the more I am learning about the spirit world and how it all works. This, I think, is spirit’s gift to me! (smile)

So that’s it! Hope it helps! Let me know if it worked for you or share what does work for you…maybe it will help another reader!! We should all be helping each other in some way or another, right?

Just so you know…I plan on writing more posts explaining different aspects of the spiritual processes brought up in my books, just as I did with this one! So if you are interested, be sure to follow my blog. Also, if you are interested in getting a newsletter from me once in a while, please mention it in the comments and I’ll be sure to let you know how to sign up for it when I get it ready!

Until next time…Onward and Upward! May many blessings be showered upon you.









Two New Books!

Tangled Up Hearts (eBook) 7-26-15Hello again! I promise to keep this post short and sweet!

As many of you know, I write books that involve the spirit world…cozy paranormal mysteries is what I like to call them! My Tess Schafer-Medium series (all found on my author page on Amazon) includes many of the things that I’ve learned and encountered over the years. They also include things that others have experienced and shared with me! Mostly, though, my imagination is let loose and they pretty much write themselves.  Honestly, it’s how I feel when I’m working on a book…I’m just the typist, taking dictation and wondering what is going to happen next! I’ve said it many times and I’ll say it again because it’s worth repeating…our IMAGINATION is the way IN to the spirit world! It also opens the door to spirit coming IN to ours!

My recent book Tangled Up Hearts has nothing to do with the paranormal. It’s a straight up, contemporary romance … my first one to be published!

In this story I wanted to show how a lack of communication and bad assumptions can really mess up a relationship! AND, I wanted to show how those things can be overcome, cleared up and forgiven, bringing happily-ever-after (with continued hard work!) to the lucky couple!

I have to tell you…if I am reading a romance and it doesn’t have a Happily-Ever-After ending…I will NEVER read that author again and I will feel very cheated! (expectations can make or break us, they really can!)

Okay, back to my book. But first, how the story idea came to be. When I was in the military (I served in the Air Force for twenty years, five months and seventeen days) I worked in a career field that consisted of about 90 percent men! In some places (I moved around a LOT), I was the ONLY female on a particular crew! As I went up in rank, I started attending meetings and I can’t even tell you how many of them I went to where I was the only woman present. Talk about feeling invisible! (it often seemed to be the general feeling that I didn’t know anything because I was JUST a girl). Although many of the men in those meetings didn’t give a hoot what I had to say, I made a point of speaking up anyway. Not that it mattered much because I was a female and my opinion wasn’t worth their notice! I did, however, get a great deal of satisfaction out of saying “I told you so” when things went as I HAD EXPECTED and EXPRESSED!

Um, ya, I’m getting off point. That happens when I start talking about my military days. Old resentments and all that…let me shake them off!

Okay, I’m ready to move on!

Aside from fighting for a smidgen of equality, there were a few perks for my situation as well. Working with that many men gave me the opportunity to hear THEIR side of the relationship sob stories (whether I wanted to hear them or not!) Also, being the only female, they expected me to explain to them the mysteries of women! Why do women this and why do women that…why, why, why! They (the majority of the men I worked with) seriously didn’t have a clue most of the time! Honestly, ladies, you have to spell it out to them (if those guys I worked with are a good representation of the rest of the male population). Expecting them to just KNOW is asking for disappointment. The good news? They really do WANT to know! So tell them. Again and again and again if necessary (and yes, it will be necessary!)

Honestly, during those twenty years, five months and seventeen days, I felt like a walking advice column sometimes! Either that or I was fodder for the work-center tabloids! (sigh) Men, I’ll have you know, gossip just as bad if not worse than women! So anyway…I discovered that most of the time, the problem with relationships going sour was all the ASSUMING going on. All the EXPECTATIONS that can’t possibly be met (not ALL of them anyway!) and all the perceptions made that were WAY off point!

I wanted to write a story where all those things were involved. Of course there had to be physical attraction too! Next I had to give them (the feuding couple) HISTORY and a past that wasn’t all bad. We do like to cling to our memories don’t we?

So, once I got the basics out of the way, I allowed the story to commence. Holy cow did those two get on each others nerves! But where sparks fly there’s more than meets the eye (hey! A poet and didn’t know it!) (Smile)

I love books where the couples bicker and fight their attraction and yet, despite everything, they fall in love. So that’s how Tangled Up Hearts came to be!

Moments in the Moonlight - (eBook)Now, the story to follow MOMENTS IN THE MOONLIGHT…which will be released on New Year’s Day and is available for pre-order…does get back to my paranormal roots! That one was a lot of fun to write because it included romance and paranormal phenomena!

The girl lead in this book showed up briefly in Tangled Up Hearts but this is NOT a continuation of that story.

In Moments in the Moonlight, I wanted the focus of the story to be the romance but I couldn’t resist having the story take place in a haunted inn! I thought having a ghost involved would make it a little more interesting! Also, I let my characters from the Tess Schafer-Medium books put in an appearance! Tess, being a medium, was a perfect fit for the story and I totally enjoyed meeting her through a stranger’s eyes!

Okay, that’s it! I just wanted to get the word out about the two books. I’m so darned excited about them! I feel like blushing when I think about my mom and other family members reading them but I don’t care. I’ll just deal! (smile)

As for future posts to this blog, I’ve decided to cover each of the Tess Schafer-Medium books and the paranormal phenomena that pops up in each story. Where did I get the ideas? What DO I believe? Is any of that real? Does “the light” REALLY keep you safe? HOW do I know that what I’m saying is true? All those questions, I shall strive to answer. So if you are curious about it…spirit contact of various forms, hauntings, ghosts, the after-life, spiritual symbols and messages, well then you might want to visit back…or better yet, FOLLOW this blog!

Thank you for reading! I do pray for continued blessings to shower upon each and every one of you during the new year ahead!!


Spirit Blessings!

Hello dear friends! I hope the holidays were special for all of you! This is a time when you are either over-flowing with happiness or going through a rough time. It is especially hard to experience a holiday without ones we love! BUT…you must know what’s coming…they are NOT GONE! Spiritually they are more connected to you than ever. In fact, they are CLOSER to you than ever because they don’t have physical boundaries!

Thinking strongly of a loved one in spirit will immediately bring them near you! So, you see…they are not gone! I do understand, though, about wishing for their PHYSICAL presence. Sure I do! We are in a physical world and are physical beings. However, since it is what it is…then KNOW that your spiritual connection is just as important…MORE so in fact!

I get so many people writing in asking about their loved ones in spirit. Honestly, crossing over is a very peaceful experience…regardless how one’s body dies! Once the soul lets go of the body, the entire experience becomes spiritual and whatever horror the body might be going through…the soul is not experiencing it! So, be at peace on that issue! One of the things none of us want for those we love (or even don’t love) is for anyone to suffer. Our soul steps in once the decision is made to let go of the body and cross over and then wondrous things begin to happen!!

I see how sad people are for losing a loved one…and I’ve gone through it a few times this year myself!…and I have to remind myself that the one who has crossed over is HAPPY. We are supposed to find comfort in the words “They are in a better place” and maybe to some extent we do find some peace over that, BUT we still must go through the grieving process of letting go!

The two most traumatic losses for me was my grandparents. My Nana and Grampy. I was especially close to them and I loved them so much it was a physical pain, a real hurt in my heart to lose them! My grieving process took years. I still miss them and it’s been over 30 years since they passed! BUT, I am close once again with them. Now that my grieving pain is over, I allowed our spiritual connection to become known to me! They give me signs of their presence ALL THE TIME!

When we cross over, we truly do meet up with all those we loved and lost…to include our animals! I’m looking forward to it but I’m in no hurry. I’ve got a lot to love right here (in the physical world) as well!

So anyway, just wanted to pass on that quick message, especially since my own losses have been on my mind recently.

Wishing you all continued blessings throughout the new year ahead of us! Peace and Joy to all!

A Spooky Book Sale!

Be Still, My Love

Be Still, My Love

Hello everyone! I promise the next post will not be about my books but I wanted to send out a quick word that I’ve put two of my books Be Still, My Love and No Matter What up for FREE through Sunday, November 1st. The promotion will end at midnight so if you want to check out the first book in the Tess Schafer-Medium series “Be Still, My Love” now’s the chance to do it at ZERO cost to you! (sorry, kindle readers only). And if you don’t have a Kindle, the Kindle APP is FREE to download on ANY Devise!! I NEVER thought I’d be reading books on my phone and yet I do it all the time! Who would have guessed? Not me.

Be Still, My Love is about Tess Schafer, a very gifted medium who suffers a terrible tragedy and loses her special ability. As if that isn’t bad enough, her faith suffers too. BUT, a trip to the coast of Maine…and to a HAUNTED RESORT no less, helps to put her on the road to recovery. When one heals from hurt and moves on, amazing things happen! Not only does Tess help solve a haunting mystery but she finds her heart is not forever broken after all. Yay!

When I wrote Be Still, My Love, I wanted to explore our interaction with the spirit world. I also wanted to incorporate into the story the many things I’ve learned over the years about the paranormal. And though I’d like to take all the credit for it, I can’t really do that because I felt at times like I was nothing more than the person taking dictation! It’s not uncommon for writers to say as much. I hear it often that the CHARACTERS tell THEIR stories and the writer is just the means to get them told! It’s pretty much how it works for quite a few of us!

I never thought that book would turn into a series but Tess has so much to learn and share and experience and I thought…why not go on that ride with her! So, six books later…I’ve done that and plan to keep it going a little while longer. After all, we need to find out who the “Tomb Lady” is!

No Matter What (9-17-12)No Matter What is a story based on reincarnation. I wondered…what IF someone died, like a young girl, and her spirit got stuck in this world (meaning she is now a ghost!) and so she is REBORN in order to help herself get UNSTUCK from this world? Interesting concept. THEN I thought…what IF the people who took part in her death are reborn too? How would that affect everyone? And No Matter What
came into the world.

As I said earlier, BOTH of those books are FREE through November 1st. It’s not much time, I know, but hey…I worked hard on them and yes, as much as I want people to read them and enjoy them, I just can’t work for free for very long. Much as I WISH that I could!!

Hidden Voices (1562x2500)The other books in the Tess Schafer Medium Series HIDDEN VOICES, VANQUISHING GHOSTS, GHOST TROUBLE and HAUNTING GROUND will all be reduced to 99 cents on November 1st and they will gradually increase to their full list price of $2.99 on November 2nd. ROSEMARY’S GHOSTS had a little blip in the promotion and so it will be 99 cents on November 3rd, increasing gradually to full list price on November 4th.

Again I’d like to stress that I pull from personal experience and from the experiences of others when creating these stories. And again I must confess that they pretty much write themselves! It amazes me every single time when the stories come to an awesome end. Sometimes I don’t know how they are going to end until they end! Truly!

Vanquishing Ghosts (Amazon)People write to this blog asking me how to get rid of ghosts or they ask how to talk to them or how to protect themselves…well, all the answers to those questions are within the pages of my stories. The best way to teach and share knowledge is through story-telling and fortunately for me, I LOVE to tell stories! (smile)

So, if you like fiction and are interested in the paranormal, give them a try and PLEASE, if you feel inclined, let me know what you thought! AND if you feel even more inclined, I would absolutely LOVE a review on Amazon!! Reviews are very important to us writers and in order for me to keep going, I need reviews to get Amazon to help me with book promotion. If you aren’t comfortable with it, I totally understand. The NUMBER ONE thing I want for those who read my books is that they ENJOY them and maybe get something MEANINGFUL out of them as well!

Rosemary's Ghosts (angel) 10-19-13So that’s it for self-promotion! Hope you all had a GREAT HALLOWEEN!! Mine was pretty freaking awesome!

By the way, if you click on the book titles, they are linked to my Amazon book page!

Okay, ONE MORE thing. I have TWO more books coming out next month (November 2015)…Tangled Up Hearts and Moments in the Moonlight. They aren’t in the paranormal genre, they are romances, but those stories were rattling around in my head DEMANDING to be told and I confess, I had a LOT of fun writing them!! (smile) If those might interest you, then please subscribe to my blog because I’ll be sending out a future post to let everyone know when they are available. Or you can “Like” my Facebook page (which would be pretty awesome for us to connect!) and visit it once in a while to check for a post announcing their publication dates! As to my Facebook page, feel free to leave me questions or comments or observations or whatever! I LOVE talking about the paranormal, writing, OTHER books. Whatever you want to chat about.

Okay, now I’m done! Until next time…Blessings to all and Peace Out!

Ghost Trouble (ebook) 5-7-14Haunting Ground


Ghostly imageIt’s been a long time since my last blog post and I sincerely apologize for that! Life just keeps getting in the way and it leaves me to wonder if it will EVER slow down! I’m thinking not. It seems to me that the older we get, the busier life becomes! I think it might be that way because time speeds up as we age. It really does. Or so it seems.

This year has been a challenging one. I’ve had to deal with deaths in the family and despite my beliefs, the fact that we pass into spirit and abide there quite happily, it doesn’t lessen the pain of physical separation. I KNOW they are fine. I KNOW they are having an amazing experience in the spirit world, but (there’s always a “but” isn’t there?) I miss their physical presence.

When people ask me how I’ve come to KNOW what I know, well it’s an answer based on faith and personal experience. I gauge my convictions (what I have come to accept as truth) on my “gut feelings”…which I believe is my soul communicating with me. When MY truth is not accepted by others…well I’m fine with that. After all, everyone must live THEIR truth. That’s all any of us can do. We must each live our OWN TRUTH and what YOU have come to KNOW, is YOUR truth.

The people who visit my blog and ask me questions are spiritually inspired to do that and I am spiritually inspired to answer them when I can! Not always do answers come to me and I’m not going to make them up just to have something to say. If someone asks a question that baffles me, I will ponder it, wait for an answer to come and if it doesn’t, then I am not ready for that particular truth.

Nothing in life is by happenstance. Nothing is circumstantial. Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is by luck. All things that occur…EVERY SINGLE THING that happens…is by spiritual design.

So given that understanding, it is our God-given RIGHT to question the things that happen. It’s RIGHT to ask WHY. We are intelligent beings and we have this inherent need to understand. That’s why we are here, living in this crazy world, going through all this crap and all the joys that life brings our way. We are seeking to learn, to understand and to KNOW the truth of it all. Understand this, my friends…the truth is a layered thing. When you uncover ONE truth, there lies another beneath it. The more you dig, the more you seek, the more you learn, the more truth you uncover.

Death is about the worst thing we must all eventually deal with. As emotionally painful as it is for those of us left behind, it is the opposite for those crossing into spirit. Death for them is a new glorious beginning. For most people anyway. There are some…like those who lived their lives inflicting pain and mayhem on others…who won’t find the afterlife quite so glorious. That’s because they will end up feeling even MORE emotional pain than what they caused! They will NOT rejoice in what they’ve done. They will want to make amends. They will want forgiveness…not just from their victims but from themselves.

When a spirit crosses over…it is the MOST peaceful experience they’ll ever know as a physical being. Those who die in horrific ways are seen to by other spiritual beings before they even cross over! The horror they experienced will become like a fading dream to them. They will eventually remember what happened, for our whole life (and any others we lived!) will become fully known to us, but we will have no attachment to any of the drama.

When a person first crosses into spirit and they realize the truth of it, the fact that it REALLY WAS PEACEFUL and easy and natural and wonderful, the first thing they want to do is comfort those still in physical life who now mourn for them! They want to reassure their loved ones that they are fine! They want to share the good news, the fact they are more alive than they’ve ever felt in this limited experience of three-dimensional life.

The fact is, many of them find ways to get a message through. BUT the signs they make are often ignored, dismissed, or misinterpreted.

Since I get asked quite often on how to know if their loved ones have tried to contact them, I wanted to write this post with the most common ways that I KNOW of. Either from my experience or from those of countless others. If you know of other ways in which a loved one came through, please share it with us! We all want to know so we can look for the signs as well!

  1. We see our loved on in a dream. The dream state is when we are closest to our spiritual state and so it is a common means for them to visit with us!
  2. When just drifting off to sleep or just waking up, we see our loved one standing (or sitting) near us! This is very common! I can’t even tell you how many people have shared stories with me about this happening to them! It seems to happen when death is imminent or soon after a loved one has crossed over.  BUT, others have had this experience even years after their loved one passed, so time doesn’t really matter. This sort of thing occurs when our conscious mind is relaxed…as it is when we are about to fall asleep or when we are just waking up. Our watchful Ego hasn’t put the filter in place to keep the two worlds “apart” and so a “sighting” occurs! As for your Ego keeping things at bay, well, don’t get too upset about it…that’s it’s job.
  3. When we suddenly smell something that makes you think of a loved one in spirit. If there is a smell that you associate with a loved one who has passed…they are close by! The sense of smell seems to be one of the easier ways for them to come through to us. I’m not sure why and I won’t worry about the reasons for it. I just KNOW this to be true!
  4. When a loved one who has passed suddenly pops into your mind…though you weren’t thinking about them or doing anything to make you think about them…then you are indeed experiencing a visit from their spiritual self! They especially come to us when we are anxious or worried or feeling down for they want to offer their spiritual support.
  5. When their picture suddenly falls from the wall or pops up in a place it shouldn’t be…or maybe an item that belonged to them is discovered out of place (not where it should be!)…rest assured, it is your loved one letting you know they are with you!
  6. When you suddenly see their name…or maybe a phrase or word that you associate with them…on a license plate, a bill board, whatever, wherever…and you immediately think of someone who has passed. A sure bet that person is paying you a spiritual visit!
  7. When something unusual occurs while talking about someone in spirit…it’s them saying “I’m here!”  In other words, if something happens that makes you think…now why did that just happen? Then that is your dear, departed loved one letting you know he or she is with you!
  8. If something from nature suddenly comes around you…be it a bird, a butterfly, an insect, an animal…SOMETHING that makes you stop and wonder about it, that is most definitely someone from spirit trying to come through!
  9. When a song suddenly comes on the radio or is played from some other media that makes you think of a loved one who has passed…that is your loved one letting you know they are with you!
  10. Honestly, ANYTHING that happens that makes you think of a loved one in spirit…that IS your loved one in spirit letting you know they are with you!

So, when any of these things happen to you and you are suddenly thinking about someone who is residing in spirit, then they are indeed with you and they will understand you when you speak to them. Their soul mingles with yours and WORDS are not necessary. Not to them. Words are, however, necessary to us so go ahead and TALK! Tell them what you want to tell them. Laugh. Cry. Rejoice. Mourn. Let your feelings go and be in the moment. LET THEM IN to your thoughts! I tell you this, whatever suddenly filters through your mind, words or feelings that seem to be coming from them…it is not your imagination making it all up. They are truly talking to you, putting those thoughts there and they are sharing their feelings with you! These experiences are always positive. If they are not…then stop the communication. LOVED ones in spirit will do NOTHING to make you feel bad. ALL interaction with them is LOVING and GOOD and POSITIVE. This I know because I have experienced it myself. This I know because so many, many people have told me of their experiences. This I know because I KNOW and I do not question what IS. This, my dear friends, is MY truth and it can be YOURS as well!

I hope this helps! Let me know your experiences! Share with us!! Most of all…be in peace!

2015-04-28 15.14.51Just a quick note for fiction readers! All of my books include the things I’ve learned about the spirit world into their stories. I believe each of them are spiritually inspired. If you find “ghost” stories interesting, then you might like them! If you’d like to check them out, just click on the picture and it will take you to my author page on Amazon. Thanks! Blessings!

2015-04-28 15.14.51Hello dear friends! I know not everyone who visits my blog is interested in my fictional books, but for those who are, I just wanted to give a quick update on what’s going on!

I’ve published six books so far in the Tess Schafer-Medium series: BE STILL, MY LOVE (Book 1), HIDDEN VOICES (Book 2), VANQUISHING GHOSTS (Book 3), ROSEMARY’S GHOSTS (Book 4), GHOST TROUBLE (Book 5) and HAUNTING GROUND (Book 6). My character, Tess, is getting better with her medium abilities and that makes it more challenging to write her story! As she grows, so do I and so should our written journey!

One of my main goals in creating this series was to incorporate the things I’ve learned about the spirit world (as well as other tidbits of information I find useful or interesting) into a story that is told through a character who reflects this knowledge. Not only that, but she also explores the things that I often speculate on and believe in. Heck, she even looks into things I DON’T believe in! Tess performs this task quite well. Beyond my expectations actually. When I’m writing as her…I feel like I am HER and what comes out in the story is as much a surprise to me as someone reading the story for the first time! In fact, Tess has me constantly learning things for I am endlessly researching stuff. For instance, she’ll mention the metaphysical properties of something and there I go, off on the internet to look it up and learn more about it!

Since the Tess series is told through my character, I do find it interesting when reviews take me to task on not using proper terminology for things. For instance, a bunch of crows is called a “murder of crows” and Tess called them a cackle or some such thing. But the fact is, Tess is writing these books and though I wish she knew everything there is to know…she doesn’t. She gets things wrong. As she should, because she isn’t a know it all (though I sort of wish she was…because then that would mean that I know it all and that would be rather cool).

Fact is, Tess has her beliefs and opinions and assumptions and I let her go with them…give her full reign…even when they might clash with my own! She’s a strong character. Even when I wish for things to go MY way, she does exactly what she wants. If I try to override her (or should I say “overwrite”?)…the story becomes “off”. That’s when I sigh, berate myself for trying to write her story instead of letting her tell it, and I change it to how she wants it to go. It’s an interesting process. It really is! Seriously, it’s like I have other people in my head, all wanting to tell their part of the story and my sole job is to write down what they tell me to write!

When I was younger, I thought I wanted to be strictly a romance writer but the Tess books came to me so fast and so persistently that I HAD to write her stories! Happily, Tess has her own romance going on so I’m getting my “romance” fix as well! I love Tess and Kade. They are a great compliment to each other.

As for my writing other stories besides the Tess series, I have written the paranormal drama NO MATTER WHAT. It’s based on the premise of reincarnation, which I do believe in and am totally intrigued with! Also, I have completed two stories which I would categorize in the genre of contemporary romance. I am hoping to have both published in the near future. Their titles are TANGLED UP HEARTS and MOMENTS IN THE MOONLIGHT. There’s a character in “Tangled” that gets her own story in “Moments” and would you believe Tess showed up in that story too? She surprises me like that but then it’s one of the many things I love about her. She has a lot to share…so why restrict her?

Stories should have a point, a reason for being, a MEANING. When you get done with a story, don’t you want to feel like you’ve completed some sort of journey? Don’t you want to be amazed at how it all came together? Not all stories are like that. There have been some that I’ve became engaged in (because I kept thinking it was all going to come together somehow in the end) and then when it was done, I was like … “What the freaking hell was the point of that?” And I feel cheated. I feel like my precious time has been WASTED. Time is very precious…I hate wasting any of it!

I don’t have to BELIEVE in the premise of the story to read it or watch it, but I do want it all to make some sort of sense. Whatever world the author has created, it needs to be a cohesive one. Now, as for my books, some people might think they are senseless because they are about the spirit world, the afterlife, the dead speaking to the living…ghosts. Well, I don’t write for those people…I write for me and for those who do like stories involving those things. You don’t have to believe in ghosts to like ghost stories. Heck, I don’t believe in vampires but I like to read about them or watch shows involving them! For that matter, I don’t believe in the existence of zombies, but I love The Walking Dead. There are, however, some inconsistencies with the Walking Dead world but the show is character driven and it’s their stories that keep me riveted. That’s as it should be. That’s good story telling!

Once I get my two romances published (not sure I will do more…I mean, this is what I’m thinking as I’m writing the love scenes: my MOTHER is going to read this! Maybe even my DAUGHTER!). So I really worked hard at trying to make them sound good without warranting a phone call from my mother asking me what the heck was I doing writing that stuff! (smile)

Speaking of romances…I think most of us who read them want a “happily ever after” in the end. I know if I don’t get that, oh boy do I get upset! It’s why I committed to the story in the first place…I EXPECT the two characters to work it all out and get together. Also, the whole story needs to be leading toward that climax! I want to go through the trials and tribulations of the relationship. I want to feel happy and relieved when the characters find a way to overcome all the adversity they had to go through to get together. For me anyway, if there is no adversity, no conflict to excite the story, then it’s a BORING read…or watch if it’s a movie. I do hope that people who read my two romances don’t get to the end feeling it was all pointless or senseless. Also, I especially don’t want them to be BORED! Not that we can please everyone because we can’t. Those who like reading erotica, for instance, would probably find my books boring (smile). What I do try to convey, at least in my romance stories, is that love is worth everything a person has to go through to get it. THAT, my friends, is the point of romance books. At least to my way of thinking!

As for Tess, I’ve started another one of her stories but I only have one chapter done. Although I’ve been working on “Tangled” and “Moments”, Tess had something to say so I sat down and wrote it. When the chapter was done, I thought to myself…”Hmm, this is pretty good. We need to see where it takes us.”…then I went back to work on my other books. I’m thinking by summer’s end Tess will have another story to share! That’s exciting, I’m always eager to see what she’s going to experience next…what new thing we are going to learn.

So that’s where I am with my writing and specifically The Tess Schafer-Medium series. For those of you who’ve read one or more of them…THANK YOU! Also, I appreciate all your comments and reviews!! Good or bad…I learn something!

At the end of this post I am including a link to a book trailer of sorts that I put together using a cool app called Animoto. It’s a pretty decent app you might like if you want to put short movies together using your pictures! I think the result was rather neat (and yes, amateurish but still!)

If you have any questions about the Tess books or anything else I might help you with, please feel free to ask! Either she or I will be happy to answer them.

Blessings to all and peace out!

Haunting GroundHi everyone! Wow, two posts in as many weeks! I’m on a roll (smile). My next one is going to cover some of the more common questions I receive on this blog concerning ghost problems and contacting loved ones in spirit, I promise, but this post is to announce the release of my newest book in the Tess Schafer-Medium series Haunting Ground! This is book 6 of the series though each book is a “stand alone”…meaning you don’t have to read them in order. BUT doing does help with understanding the characters’ development and what they’ve gone through. I’m actually finding it quite challenging to write a series in which I don’t give away much of the plot from other books!

The Tess Schafer-Medium series, as I’ve mentioned before, is my way of telling stories that incorporate the things I’ve learned over the years concerning the paranormal. They are the kinds of stories that I like to read! Honestly, is there anything more fascinating than talking to departed loved ones and dealing with spirit guides, angels and the like? Since I’ve done those things, it just seems right and natural for me to write stories including them!

The FarmhouseMy seven years in a haunted house (pictured on the left of this sentence with an awesome ORB!) incited my interest in paranormal matters and I’ve been fascinated ever since. The more I learn, the more I WANT to learn! As for that spooky old farmhouse…well, it’s gone now. But the spirits that inhabited it…no, I don’t think they are gone. Maybe someday I’ll explore THAT in a book!

Now, as for my main character, Tess, she is not ME (many people write in to ask that very question!)….she’s way more talented and patient than I am! BUT, there’s certainly a lot of me in her. Even so, she’s developing all on her own and now when I sit down to write her stories, I feel I am merely taking dictation! Half the time I have no idea what’s going on. Then when I do figure it out, I’m like…Whoa! No way! (smile) Just like Tess.

64033_327215633993497_2023270865_nEver since the first book Be Still, My Love, I’ve been wondering about the man who killed Tess’s husband. Now, this series began because I wanted a tragedy to mark my character’s life and send it off into a whole new direction. Besides, I was curious as to how a medium handles death. Also, like Tess, I was mad at my spirit guide! Though my dissatisfaction was because my guide did not protect one of my cats when I specifically asked her to do so! I’m over it, for the most part, though I am still bummed that Milo is gone…and now more recently my cats Odd and Sassy. So anyway, Tess’s husband Mike was killed by a driver who was under the influence of alcohol. He ran a red light and crashed his car into Mike’s, killing them both. Also killed in that crash was Tess’s dog Tootsie.

Hidden Voices (1562x2500)So, in Be Still, My Love, it’s been two years since the accident and Tess is still grieving. She’s still mad. Her psychiatrist and her friends suggest she go on a vacation, get out of her house of memories. And she does…to a haunted resort on the coast of Maine! Since I grew up in Maine and I think its a beautiful and intriguing state, I couldn’t think of a better setting for the story. I had no plans to make a series. But while writing that story, Tess learns of another supernatural mystery shadowing the town of Bucksport, Maine (my hometown!). The town’s founder, she learns, has a graveside monument that is marked by a witch. As to that, Bucksport really exists and there really is a monument on Jonathan Buck’s grave with markings supposedly made by a witch’s curse! Well…I wanted to explore that story with Tess and so we did in book two Hidden Voices. Tess found her OWN STORY about that monument and a series was born!

Vanquishing Ghosts (Amazon)In the third book, Vanquishing Ghosts, Tess has decided to make Bucksport her home. There are lots of ghosts there needing her help (the town is absolutely RICH with history!), so how can she walk away from them? The problem, of course, is that the house she’s just bought is seriously haunted! By a bad spirit no less! In this story I was definitely exploring a bit of the dark side! So anyway, she and her boyfriend Kade (yes, she’s moving on!) investigate the situation and go through a lot of interesting paranormal situations. They do manage to vanquish the ghosts but her house will NEVER be free of them! Why? Well, I guess I’ll have to keep writing to find out and people will have to keep reading if they too want to know! (smile)

Rosemary's Ghosts (angel) 10-19-13Book four, Rosemary’s Ghosts, came to me in a flash of inspiration. I was riding with my husband on a business trip and it just plopped into my brain and I couldn’t wait to start writing! Despite knowing MOST of the plot, however, I still discovered some surprises along the way. This book was really an experiment for me as I took Tess way outside her normal reality. It was quite a bizarre situation she found herself in and yet it did a lot to help build her character! Besides, I don’t think that’s all done. Not yet. Seems to me that some things from that book are going to pop up in later stories. We’ll see.

Ghost Trouble (ebook) 5-7-14Book five, Ghost Trouble, is Kade’s story. I wanted to write a ghost story involving someone who isn’t a sort of “expert” in the field. With Tess around all the time, he pretty much has nothing more than a supportive role when figuring out what the paranormal hijinks are all about. But with her out of the picture…what will he do? Also, he had some issues needing closure. Kade was in the Marine and had to separate after sixteen years of service because of injuries sustained in a roadside bomb attack in Afghanistan. Everyone in the Humvee he was traveling in died except for him. That’s a lot to deal with! So we dealt with it.

And so now I’ve written Haunting Ground. Tess has gone back to where her story began and she’s finally going to learn “the rest of the story.” There’s always another side to every situation. Tess knew her side…but what was HIS…the man who killed her husband and dog…what’s HIS story? As usual nothing goes smoothly and she’s as confused as ever when the paranormal activity commences. Dealing with death truly is one of the hardest things we have to endure in life and Tess’s gift of speaking to those who have crossed over really does help to bring about healing. In this story that rings true more so than any of the others.

So, anyway, I wanted to write a quick post about what’s going on with my books! So today, Sunday the 25th of January 2015, Haunting Ground will be available for Kindle readers. In celebration of that fact, Be Still, My Love will be FREE for two days (the 25th and 26th of January)! Book two, Hidden Voices and book three, Vanquishing Ghosts will be reduced to 99 cents at 8 am on Sunday the 25th and will slowly increase in increments back to it’s original price of 2.99 by 8 pm on Monday the 26th of January. I know I announced this in my last blog post but I just wanted to give a bit more of an explanation of the series and refresh memories of those who are reading them! I promise future posts won’t all be about my books. Since these are so dear to me, however, I wanted to share my excitement with you all!

ghostsAs for future posts, I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about and then it hit me. The many, many comments I receive on this blog are quite similar, many of them sharing a common problem or request. This gave me the idea of tackling the more common concerns in future posts. Stuff like how to KNOW when a loved one is around, how to get rid of a pesky ghost, how to talk to spirits…on and on. This is why most people come to this blog and so that is what I’ll focus on…answers to questions that most of you drop by to ask!

Before I close out, I want to wish all of you a very blessed 2015! I hope this year brings wondrous, glorious things your way! May peace and loving light be with you all!

Penned Con 2017

Bringing Authors and Readers together for charity

Kobo Writing Life

The craft and business of writing & self publishing


Arguing with a brick wall

Metaphysical Living

Exploring consciousness and spirituality through channelling, out of body experiences, dreams, and communication with those who have passed.

Consciousness Travels

Exploring inner and outer dimensions together

The Adventure Starts Here

Emma's Ramblings on Supernatural Fiction

Book | Film | & TV Show Reviews

The Big Séance

My Paranormal World...

Theosophy Watch

"Ancient Thought in Modern Dress"

To Become A Writer

Blog home of master wordsmith Renée Pawlish, author of mystery novels, horror books, and the Writers Workshop.

Book Lovers Buffet

Load Up - You Won't Gain a Pound!

Bargain eBooks

eBooks under $5.00!

Jennifer Probst

a little bit naughty, a little bit nice

Bob Mayer

Write on the River

Cinta's Corner

The Silly Ramblings of a Silly Writer

Kindle Review - Kindle Phone Review, Kindle Fire HD Review

Kindle Fire HD Review, Kindle Phone Review, Kindle Phone 3D Review, Kindle Fire Review, Kindle Review, Kindle Reviews

Creating Weirdness On A Daily Basis...

Nicola Kirk: Author and Collector of Paranormal Stories and Other Strange Encounters

C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

Write and publish with love and fury.

The Reader's Guide to Epublishing

Your destination site for the Best in Ereading

%d bloggers like this: