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Hello readers! It’s been way too long (again) and I thought to myself, it’s been so long, I want my post to be about something HELPFUL and smudging is definitely that. After all, smudging is a ritual performed to cleanse a space, item or person of stored negative energy. It is an effective ritual though many might question “why” it works! My thoughts on “rituals” is the INTENT of it is what triggers the desired outcome, the reason for the ritual in the first place.

I am in the process of redoing my Tess Schafer-Medium book series (they are getting new covers that are uniform in look, created by the incredible Anya Kelleye) and since I got publishing rights back on my first three in the series, I am giving them all a read-through. I’ve learned a lot about writing and about my characters in the past few years and so I am applying that knowledge during the read-through, though I promise I am changing nothing major. I am not deleting plot points or adding any. As I’ve received kind feedback from the books’ readers, I have taken those observations to heart! Thank you to all who have taken the time to contact me!

So anyway, in Vanquishing Ghosts (book 3), Tess’s home is haunted by an unsavory spirit, a particularly negative entity, and she performs a smudging ritual to neutralize the negative energy stored within her home. This puts her on better ground to fight the entity and secure her home from future evil hauntings. As I was going over that scene, I thought to myself … this would be a great blog post to write because smudging is so helpful, and Lord knows we can use all the help we can get in this challenging world!

I have included a link to a site that explains the smudging ritual as I do it. It’s simple and easy and rather than re-write it here, I’ve included the link to give credit where it’s due! This doesn’t have to be complicated! SIMPLE is the key to carrying out all spiritual-related rituals.

Just a quick word about rituals. Their performance helps us to focus on our INTENT, the reason for the ritual. All tools used in any kind of ceremony have a reason and purpose for their usage. For example, Tess (my series main character) uses a wand at one point during her fight against the evil entity haunting her home. The wand itself is not magical, it is but a tool, a way to focus and direct the energy coming from within you. ALL ritual items are tools of intent and purpose. Crosses, for instance, are ritual tools (and representative of the Christian faith). They give focus to the mind during prayer. Not only that but the beliefs people have about them give them the vibration of that energy. They are often used as a symbol of faith, protection, harmony, etc.

But back to the reason for this post. If you feel your home is harboring negative energy, then bundle up some sage or visit a metaphysical store to purchase some (they often carry them!) and perform this simple, easy and EFFECTIVE ritual! We need peace and harmony in our lives and though this doesn’t infuse anything with peace and harmony, it PROVIDES the means for those positive vibrations to filter in!! It neutralizes negative vibrations, or as I like to say “smudging levels the playing field”. Plus, there is something very satisfying about taking matters into your own hands! As a spiritual being you have the power within you to do what smudging does (without the use of any tools) but you have to admit, adding ceremony and ritual helps us to carry out this power. As an aside, and to give credit where it’s due, I found the image to the left at an interesting site about smudging that you might like to check out yourself! Just click on THIS  to give it a look!

As for the smudging ritual itself, click this Smudging link to read the five easy steps to cleansing your personal space!! And, if you are interested, the following is but one of many sites that offer other metaphysical tools and even guidance on spiritual matters: The Sage Goddess has lots of spiritual goodness to explore!

Until next time, may PEACE and HARMONY fill your personal space! Onward and Upward and ever Forward!

 

 

 

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Not only do I have a new book coming out with this title (release date is 10 July!) but I thought it was a good title for this blog too. Ghosts CAN be distracting, especially if you don’t know what to do when one is bothering you … or scaring you as the case may be! Fact is, ghosts are everywhere, or their ENERGY is anyway, and that is because in the world of spirit…there is only HERE. What we perceive as space is nothing more than a different level of awareness over “there”!

In our realm (physical life), ghosts are actually energy from the past. You can’t interact with a ghost. You can’t communicate with it. You can sometimes see it and you can quite often “feel” it (sense their energy) and sometimes you can even hear it, but that’s about the extent of it. Despite what all the ghost-hunting television shows might lead you to believe, haunted locations are created by heightened emotional energy from people in a PAST event. They are not hang-outs for dead people who are waiting to scare us or talk to us!

The very essence of who we are is beings of energy and when our emotions are heightened our psyche’s energy level becomes so strong it can transcend time. Meaning it can be sensed by people in the future, who think they are encountering a ghost! I guess in a way they are since the people involved are dead (to us they are anyway).

It’s a complicated issue but let me try to explain by example. When someone is murdered (in a PAST event) and we are in the location where it happened, we can often pick up on the heightened emotions of the victim (and sometimes even the murderer!). We can do that because we are energy too and energy detects energy. So anyway, in situations like that (a murder), emotions are often highly charged and the energy generated can sometimes be picked up by others at a later time. It’s because of situations like this that haunted locations often make people uncomfortable. Given that, it’s no wonder they are scary places. You are, after all, tapping into the emotions of someone being murdered (or of someone doing the murdering) and either way it’s not a good feeling. Communicating with the “ghosts” in this kind of haunting is not possible. What you can do, however, is learn what happened. Psychics are great at this and you often see them in action on the ghost-hunting shows.

Now, if the murder took place in a building and it’s still standing, then people usually consider the building haunted, but get this, even if the building is destroyed the energy is still there because the location hasn’t changed, just what’s in the location. That’s why new buildings can be “haunted”, because they are built on the same spot where a highly charged situation took place.

Even knowing what a ghost is, they are still scary, certainly spooky, usually uncomfortable but not dangerous. They cannot hurt you in any way.

There are some hauntings where people think a past owner of a house was so fond of it they stayed there after they died. Not so. What is being detected in that situation is the fondness someone felt for the place (strong feelings of love also heightens emotions). Besides, they are STILL THERE because physics tells us that the past and present coexist!

Paranormal writers use the instances stated above to create tension and to raise the “spook” factor of a ghost story. I use it in my books as well. My main character in the Tess Schafer-Medium series (click the link if you are interested in checking them out!) understands that ghosts can do no harm and does what she can to ease the fear of the other characters in her story. One thing for sure, those situations certainly make for great ghost stories!

Now a SPIRIT is a whole different ballgame. Spirits are dead people who enter our realm of consciousness in order to communicate with us. Example: Miss Spooks dies and though she no longer has a physical body, she still exists as Miss Spooks, keeping all her memories and personality traits (though being “dead” is sure to put a whole new perspective on things!). So now she finds herself “over there” and wants to communicate with the living. Those are the spirits you can interact with.

As explained above, the biggest difference between a ghost and a spirit is the fact you can only communicate and interact with a spirit. Communications with them are usually a good experience. They are eager to talk with us and they often want to get messages across to those they care about…or to anyone that will “hear” them!

Spirits who hold strong negative emotions, however, have some unresolved issues and interactions with them are not so pleasant. They haven’t yet made peace with their new circumstances and they are the ones most often responsible for active hauntings. Poltergeists (negative entities) are attracted to those kinds of spirits and since they can move things around, they CAN be dangerous. Since like attracts like, they are attracted to the negative emotions of a troubled soul and they use those poor souls to get through to our physical reality. It isn’t the actual dead person that is posing a danger.

Negative entities are hard to explain but they are part of the spirit world and they lurk in the shadows of the afterlife. Most dark entities never were physical beings! But they can be a nasty influence and create confusion for a spirit with unresolved issues.

Now, even in cases involving a poltergeist, that doesn’t mean you are in danger. It just means that you need to be cautious. Reacting with anger, fear, hatred (any negative emotion) will “feed” their energy. Some of the BEST things to do when negative spirit activity is occurring are to pray (asking a higher power for protection), invoke your spiritual light to protect you (imagine a light shining IN and AROUND you), ask angels for protection and above all, stay calm (as best as you can anyway!).

As for Angels, they are in abundance and are absolutely everywhere. Best of all, they are quick to help whenever they are asked, so ASK!!

Given the scary nature of poltergeists, I use them in my books because having negative spirit energy raises the fear-factor in a story. Seriously, it is a good plot device for a ghost story. I don’t, however, make it the MAJOR plot device! Although my books are considered “horror” it’s only because ghosts are involved and not because they are horrific and gory.

The message I try the hardest to convey in all of my books is that here in the physical world, WE are in charge. Not only that but we have all we need to stay safe and protected from negative spirit energy. Our personal spiritual power is more than sufficient to keep us safe! Isn’t that comforting to know?

Now as I mentioned earlier, it sometimes happens that there are issues that went on here in the physical world that follow someone into the afterlife. Those are unresolved issues and spirits are so affected by this they will do whatever they can to communicate with us in order to find some closure. THIS is what I use most often as a plot for my books. To me, those sorts of circumstances make the best ghost stories.

More often than not, though, spirits are loved ones trying to communicate that they are well, they are happy and they don’t want their loved ones to be sad. No matter the circumstance of their death, most people are very pleasantly surprised when they cross over and learn the truth of things. In fact, they are so excited they want to share their amazing discovery with their loved ones!

Being physically dead does not break attachments though it is a different sort of attachment. They still LOVE those they were close to in physical life but they feel no sense of ownership. A deceased husband (for instance) isn’t going to be like “Hey! That’s MY woman you are moving in on!” (when another man develops an attachment for his wife). And he certainly does not think his wife is betraying him by caring for another man!

One thing I find most comforting is that loved ones who have passed are still connected to us and just thinking about them pulls them into our realm of consciousness. Whenever I think about my grandparents, for example, they are immediately with me and I sense them quite strongly. In fact, they often give me a sign of some sort to validate the experience!

Seriously, by focusing on someone who has passed into spirit, you draw them to you (because in truth, they aren’t “far” from you at all). The biggest frustration for those in spirit is not getting through to loved ones. But, they do what they can. They might make their picture fall or they might put something in an odd place so that when you find it, you’ll think of them and maybe even realize it was them that put it there. They might invoke a smell that you associate with them such as a flower they loved, a perfume they wore or a tobacco they smoked.

They LOVE it when loved ones go to a medium or turn to other means of communication … table tipping, Ouija, automatic writing (to name a few)! As for mediums, they are usually inundated with spirits trying to get through to loved ones here in our physical reality. My Tess Schafer character deals with this and I love her ability, her attitude and the way in which she handles things. I learn from her all the time! (smile)

So anyway, I wanted to write this post in celebration of my newest Tess Schafer-Medium book … aptly named Distracting Ghosts (you can click the link to check out the synopsis and even preorder if you are interested) and I’m dedicating it to my nephew Matt who died while I was writing the story. I thought about him so much while writing it and though the story has nothing to do with him, his death changed me in some way and that certainly has had some influence on my storytelling. I feel him around and he’s given lots of indications of his presence. Gone physically but not gone spiritually. Ahh, Matt, why did you have to leave us so soon?

Until next time, may your life be moving ever onward and upward. Peace out.


It’s been over six years since I published my first book and since then I’ve written nine! NINE! When I wrote BE STILL, MY LOVE I had no idea it would become part of a series. But one story sparked another and now I’m six books in with yet another in the works!

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My character, Tess Schafer, has grown as a medium through each book and as she grows so do I. It seems that I learn more and more from her with each story. I can honestly say that her spiritual connections help strengthen my own. Honestly, other than book four, ROSEMARY’S GHOSTS, I have not plotted any of my books. The stories unfold as I go along. As for Rosemary’s Ghosts, that plot came to me in a flash. I was riding along in our car (my husband was driving), and thinking about book three VANQUISHING GHOSTS (which I’d just finished writing) when suddenly a plot for a new book enters my head. I was so excited about it, I couldn’t wait to start writing. Although I knew what it was about, I didn’t know how it would all unfold so I was just as excited to write it as I was the others.

People often want to know where I get my story ideas and I have to say that they come from spirit. I truly believe that. I don’t sit around trying to come up with an idea for a new book, they just come to me and often while working on another story! For instance, I knew while writing Be Still, My Love that I was going to write HIDDEN VOICES (book two) because the idea came to me while writing a scene that triggered the idea! When writing Hidden Voices, a scene from that story gave me the idea for Vanquishing Ghosts (book 3). Now, though I know the premise of the stories I am working on, I don’t know how they will unfold. For instance, in Hidden Voices (book 2) I knew I was going to write about Tess’s experience with a cursed gravestone in Bucksport, Maine (my hometown by the way!) and that’s all I knew. When the idea for VANQUISHING GHOSTS flashed into my brain, it was during a scene in Hidden Voices and all I knew was that I was going to write about Tess’s move to a new house which, of course, happened to be haunted.

What amazes me about the whole process is how well the books fit together. Information from one book will mesh with information from another and I marvel at the connections though they weren’t planned! This is why I feel they are spiritually inspired. Besides, the stories come from somewhere, right? I literally plucked them from the “air” (spirit) and I have found that if I try to interfere with the process … put my own spin on what I think is going on … it doesn’t work out. The story comes to a screeching halt. I interfere because I can’t think how an issue is going to be resolved and so I start trying to come up with ideas on resolving it. But those ideas don’t work out and the book falters and I get frustrated. Then I remind myself to just TRUST THE PROCESS! When I let go of trying to control things, the book starts flowing again. It’s all quite fascinating and I marvel at it, I really do! Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be accepting credit for authoring my books. I should say “Authored by spirit” written by Deborah! (smile)

Many of the techniques Tess uses to protect herself and commune with spirit are the same that I too use. Of course, she’s way more talented and can do things that I only wish I could do. Also, I don’t think I could handle her gift as well as she does! I’ll tell you one thing for certain … I believe in the spiritual light that Tess is always talking about. I don’t just BELIEVE we have the power to protect ourselves, I KNOW it.

When I was living in a haunted house, we knew there were several ghosts residing there and one of them was evil. I lived in constant fear and though I had no training in how to protect myself, the things that Tess talks about … prayers and guardian angels and imagining a light … I did all those things and they kept us safe until we moved away. The house is gone now but the spirits are still there, I feel them when we drive by and it gives me the “willies”. I even dream about that house to this day and always the dreams are of a nightmarish quality. Who those spirits are and why they are there, I just don’t know. I’ve thought about writing a story to try to figure it out. Maybe someday I will. After all, spirit knows what that is all about and maybe they’ll tell me.

So anyway, after nine books, I’ve grown as a writer and I felt it best to go through Be Still, My Love and fix the issues that readers have found with it. There were questions about why things happened that never were explained and so I think I’ve cleared those up with this new edition. My thinking at the time was to leave some things open to question. Why I thought that was a great idea, I can’t say and now I realize it wasn’t such a great idea. My apologies to those who have read the story already! I’ll be curious to see how the new edition will be received. There will always be critics and people who won’t like it, I get that and expect it, but for those who do like this kind of story, it’s their reception I am curious about. I say that because it is THOSE people I am writing for … the ones who like the kinds of stories I write. After all, I too am a reader and I write what I like to read. I have to because I end up reading it about twenty or thirty times! If I don’t like the story, there is no way I can force myself to read it that many times. Trust me!

With the new edition now completed, I wanted to give interested readers a few days to download it for FREE. So from March 10 through Mar 12, BE STILL MY LOVE will be FREE to download! Now, I’m not saying it’s perfect but I do think it’s better! That doesn’t mean some people won’t like it, some won’t. One of the things I was criticized on was the mention of “God” in the book. My character has a strong affinity with God and that is included in the story. Me and my character both believe that God is part of all existence and so there is no way to write a story about spiritual matters without the inclusion of God. So, if reading stories involving God bothers you … then Be Still, My Love might not be for you! That is as much of a warning as I’m going to give. I say that because I was told by some critics that I should WARN people of God’s involvement in the synopsis! WARN them? Really? Sorry, but that still surprises me.

I truly do love to hear from readers and so if you’ve read the book, either the old edition or the new, what did you think of it? Do you have any questions? Let’s talk!!

Until next time, God Bless and Peace Out!


I recently read the book DYING TO BE ME, MY JOURNEY FROM CANCER, TO NEAR DEATH, TO TRUE HEALING by Anita Moorjani (Dying To Be Me) and I just had to write a review and share it with you! As a brief overview of the story…Anita was suffering with cancer, stage 4, and her body was shutting down. She entered a deep coma and as doctors waited for her life to end, she was experiencing “the other side”.  When she regained consciousness (totally not expected), her cancer spontaneously healed and all her physical ailments improved. She is now a healthy and happy woman! She chose to come back, she says, and not stay “there” because she wanted to share her experience and their (Spirit’s) message with the world.

What I love about this story is that it is a documented case. Meaning there are actual FACTS backing up her story…as far as the cancer being present, her physical condition during her near-death experience and the spontaneous healing of her cancer.

I was inspired by the story for it had a wonderful, positive message. I was also excited to discover that some of the things Anita shared, mirrored sentiments that are expressed in my Tess Schafer-Medium series! I want to share with you a few of the things I got out of this book. I encourage anyone else who has read it to share their thoughts and what they got out of it as well! Or tell me what you think of this post!

One thing Anita learned was that “Religion is just a path for finding truth: Religion is not truth. It is just a path. And different people follow different paths.” I love this because it is something I can readily accept. There are so many religions and I used to wonder…which one is the “right” one? Her concept embraces them all and tells us that no matter the path we take (the religion we choose to follow) they all lead to God. (Yay!) How we learn the lessons we wish to learn is a personal journey for each of us. Even when it seems we are sharing the same path, it isn’t the EXACT same path. I find it quite comforting that we all will learn what we need to know…eventually.

Anita also states that “there was no other way of communicating in that realm other than through our emotions.” Wow! Not only does my character Tess Schafer state this quite often, but it is something I believe and have experienced myself! Communication with the spirit world is not always done with words. That’s why mediums have to navigate through their emotions very carefully. Their interpretation of the communication might not be how the recipient of the communication would interpret it.

Speaking of emotions, Anita says that “our feelings are actually what drive our physical reality.” Interesting! Another statement she made that gave me some peace of mind was that “Everything happens when we’re ready for it to happen.” This really makes a lot of sense because if we aren’t ready for something, then we aren’t going to understand it, or embrace it or learn from it. We can’t, because we aren’t ready! This is why I am always trying to “ready” myself by constantly seeking to learn new things.

Anita talks about connecting with her deceased friend Soni during her sojourn on “the other side” and says that “my essence merged with Soni’s and I became her. I understood that she was here, there, and everywhere. She was able to be in all places at all times for all her loved ones.” This was quite interesting to me because many people ask how it is possible for their loved one to respond to several people at the same time. If they were watching over one person, then it seems logical that they cannot be watching over another. Yet this shows that’s not the case. This is something I’ve always believed and I’m excited that her experience validates this belief for me.

Her experience with time was another issue that coincides with my beliefs and is also something my character Tess often refers to. Anita says “Time felt different in that realm, too, and I felt all moments at once. I was aware of everything that pertained to me–past, present, and future–simultaneously. I became conscious of what seemed to be simultaneous lives playing out.” Physicist have long laid claim to the concept that time…past, present, and future…happens simultaneously. This is where the concept of time travel comes from! How amazing that she came to understand this and experience it for herself. Also, she mentions her awareness of other lives! Since I am a strong believer in past lives and reincarnation, this resonated strongly with my own beliefs. So much so that I even wrote a novel based on this very concept titled No Matter What!

Another thing that struck Anita in a profound way was how she felt while “there”. In her spirit state she realized she was not who she always thought herself to be. She says “Here I am without my body, race, culture, religion, or beliefs…yet I continue to exist! Then what am I? Who am I? I certainly don’t feel reduced or smaller in any way. On the contrary, I haven’t ever been this huge, this powerful, or this all-encompassing. Wow, I’ve never, ever felt this way!

I loved that she realized her identity “here” in the earth plane is not who she is in the spirit plane! None of us are the same “over there” as we are here. In spirit we are loving entities and identify with no labels! Wouldn’t that be great if we could be like that here in our physical life? But we didn’t come here to be the same as we are “over there”. We came here to experience different identities and that is exactly what we are all doing. When we finally get to the point where we are the same “here” as “there” (when we cannot separate our identity in each realm) then there will be no need to come back (reincarnate).

Another point she learned from the experience is that one must “cultivate a deep love affair with yourself” and Anita believed it was a key element to her spontaneous healing! Once she figured it out that “to be me is to be love“, the lesson, she says, saved her life. The concept here, however, is that to love ones self means to love others as well for each of us are love. Being love, she says, “means being aware of the importance of nurturing my own soul, taking care of my own needs, and not putting myself last all the time.”

Another wonderful point she made is that we already have everything we need (for it lies within us) and that it’s accessible when we allow ourselves to open up to what is true within us. This piggybacks on the concept that all time (past, present, and future) exists at once. Since every possibility already exists, then whatever we desire (and not desire) has already come to pass. We just need to move through that reality and we do it through our belief in its existence! Our reality here, she believes, “is a playground of expression.” (what fun!) We are here (in physical life) to experience, explore and create. And guess what? The things we wish to obtain or attain to…is already ours to obtain or achieve! You just need to ALLOW it into your reality. That is done through belief and excitement!! Anita says that “everything I could ever want to happen in my life already exists in that infinite, nonphysical plane. My only task is to expand my earthly self enough to let it into this realm.” All you need to do is expand your consciousness to “allow universal energy to bring it into (your) reality”. Easy peasy, right?

What I particularly like is the idea that we contain “all the resources” that we “need to navigate through life” and that is because we are “One with Universal energy.” She further makes the claim that WE “are universal energy”! Each one of us, she says, “has this magnificent, magical life force coursing through every single cell”. How amazing is that? How awesome are we!!

The problem, of course, is that our busy lives and all the things we get caught up in “makes us forget that we’re connected to Universal energy and that we have these natural abilities”. When we start listening to and believing what others tell us, it turns us away from the knowledge of our own power. But, and I love this…”emotions are a doorway into the soul”. Wow. This is major. A big, freaking deal!! She says “our feelings about ourselves are actually the most important barometer for determining the condition of our lives!” Read that again. It’s worth it!

One thing that is important to understand is the concept of “being” and “doing”.  She explains it thusly: “Being doesn’t mean that we don’t do anything. It’s just that our actions stem from following our emotions and feelings while staying present in the moment. Doing, on the other hand, is future focused, with the mind creating a series of tasks that take us from here to there in order to achieve a particular outcome, regardless of our current emotional state.” One way to determine the difference is to identify your motivation…is it driven by fear or passion? If what you are doing is driven by passion then you are “being”. If what you are doing is driven by fear then you are “doing”.

A big point she brings up is that if we “stop judging ourselves, we’d automatically find less and less need to condemn others”. Wow. What’s that say for all the judgments going on in the world today? Speaking of the world, Anita says “The external world mirrors what we feel about ourselves.” If that’s so, and I believe it is, then our world is filled with people who are filled with fear! Is it because of discontent with our personal lives? I believe so and so does Anita.

“The Universe is contained with us, and what we experience externally is only a reflection”. She believes that no one is truly bad, not at our “core” (soul) and evil, she says, “is only a product of our fears”.  If everyone was aware of their magnificence “then we’d no longer be driven by fear. We wouldn’t need rules and jails…or hospitals.” Wow. That, too, is huge!

There’s a lot more shared in this book and it truly is worth a read!! I’ve read it twice and each time I gain more understanding.

I don’t get to read as often as I’d like for I’m busy with my own books but I sure am glad I found this one and took the time to read it! So what do you think? Do you agree or disagree with the things Anita shares?

Okay then, back to my own writing! Working on book 7 of the Tess Schafer-Medium series and finalizing a new edition of book one “Be Still, My Love” (I’ve learned a LOT as a writer since it’s publication and I’m applying those lessons to the new edition. Same story, but the telling of it, I believe, is better!!). Thanks to all for your support and encouragement! The letters and messages I have received about the Tess Schafer series are heart-warming and uplifting!

Until next time, blessings to all and peace out!

Love is a Decision


tangled-up-hearts-ebook-7-26-15-2When I was in high school, I attended a 12-week Marriage Enrichment Seminar sponsored by my church. It’s purpose was to help teenagers understand the mechanics of marriage and what it takes to keep it going. Each week we discussed a different aspect about this all-important union. One week the topic was “Love is a Decision”. I had a problem with that one and argued with the moderators…two people I admired and respected, whose marriage I thought was perfect (it wasn’t but that’s another story!). Love, I told them (as if I knew anything about it!), was NOT a decision. It was a feeling. You either felt it or you didn’t. End of discussion. No, they insisted, it is NOT just a feeling, it is a DECISION and one you must make on a near daily basis! We ended that session on a stalemate. I just didn’t understand how love could be a decision. You don’t DECIDE to love someone. You either feel it or your don’t.

Oh how naive of me!

Four marriages later, I have learned this lesson quite thoroughly! Though I hate to admit my marital failures, they have made me who I am today. Not only am I happy with the person I have become but I was also blessed with three great kids. Given that, I regret nothing but oh how glad I am that I have finally learned that particular lesson! I’m here to tell you…whatever life is trying to teach you, the lessons involving it will keep on keeping on until you learn them! As to my current marriage, I am proud and blessed to say that it will take me to the end of my life. I know this because I’ve decided it’s worth keeping and nourishing. Praise God! We are eighteen years strong and making the decision to love all the time!

So what have I learned? How is it that love is a decision?

Where to begin. Falling in love is probably the easiest part of the whole process. That’s when FEELINGS are pretty much in charge and steering the course of the budding relationship. STAYING is love is where the problems start and feelings often get in the way! Wonderful though a person might be, as easy and fun as things are between you, eventually the darker side of one’s personality will come through. After all, none of us are PERFECT! It’s a gradual process but in time, the things that attracted you to someone will slowly start to irritate you. Once that happens, it will graduate to MORE than irritation! They will positively grate on your nerves! You know the saying “familiarity breeds contempt”? It’s a well-known phrase for a reason! Not only is it possible to become irritated by traits you initially were attracted to, the things you didn’t like but thought you could live with will become the focus of your discontent, aggravating you to near complete distraction!

Case in point. My first husband, Mr. Friendship, was very thoughtful and understanding with his friends. He was a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. I thought that was quite wonderful and I admired him for it. Until I didn’t. As time went on and I found myself second, third or LAST on his list of importance, I began to resent that our needy friends (he attracted quite a few of them) were absorbing all of his attention. Even so, I DECIDED to stay with him anyway, thus making the decision to love. Then his temper became a problem, and his morose thoughts and his sulking. It came to a point where I finally decided not to love. I couldn’t go on with the relationship though my feelings were still engaged. In this instance, love was a decision and I decided against it. Now I made that difficult decision because he had decided my feelings didn’t matter and he did nothing to help our floundering relationship. In essence, he had decided not to love me! In any relationship…BOTH partners must make the decision to love! One partner cannot carry the relationship alone. BOTH must be committed to making it work. Since Mr. Friendship thought our friends were more important than his wife and child and he did nothing to control his mood swings and morose temperament, I decided to end the marriage.

Next came Mr. Funny Guy. He was a lot of fun and he made me laugh. I needed to laugh after all the drama of the first disastrous marriage so I was all over that. As time went on, however, his constant joking became tiresome. That sense of humor I used to love made it hard for him to be serious about ANYTHING and I began to resent it. Even so, I DECIDED on the side of love and stayed in the relationship. I figured there were worse things to deal with. That’s when he went on to the worse things and cheated on me with other women. I decided to end the relationship because I couldn’t stay in a marriage that included his girlfriends! In both instances we had decided NOT to love. Now, I have to add here that my feelings were still engaged and making that DECISION was hard for me but I knew I was doing the right thing. I’ll explain in a moment how I knew that!

Next came Mr. Serious. After all the drama of the last marriage, I needed someone responsible and quiet and calm. Surprisingly (not), all those things began to grate on my nerves! He was TOO responsible and serious and far too calm. Boring. Even so, I decided to stick with it. After two failed marriages, I figured I’d made my bed and I was damn well going to sleep in it. Until he became possessive, controlling and abusive. Definitely not loving behavior. I decided quite quickly to put an end to the relationship, especially as he felt justified in being that way! An easy DECISION for me but a painful one. It’s really hard to go through a failure that you’ve already been through twice!

With the ending of each marriage, I went through a period of soul searching. I wanted to understand WHY I had to go through those experiences. I wanted to “get it” so I wouldn’t go through it again. Here’s what I learned:

One, find out how your prospective partner treats their parents. A man will probably be the same way with his wife as he is with his mother (I said PROBABLY because there are exceptions) and a woman will most likely be the same with her husband as she is with her father. Again, there are exceptions but this I have found to be a pretty good rule…generally. The three men in those failed marriages of mine had difficult relationships with their mothers! Mr. Friendship was very disrespectful to his (something I didn’t know until AFTER I married him!), Mr. Funny Guy constantly lied to his (again, something I was unaware of until AFTER I was too deep into the relationship to want to out of it) and Mr. Serious had an abusive, alcoholic mother (something I was aware of but thought I could somehow make up for! You know the … oh, you are broken in this area, let me fix it! Ugh!) Side note: You canNOT fix people!

Two, how does your love interest handle anger? If he or she is in a fury but doesn’t get physically harmful, then you are probably safe from future physical abuse.  I must add something here in regards to that. It’s important to know how alcohol influences your partner. How does it affect their behavior? I know someone who isn’t physically abusive when he’s sober and mad but when he’s drunk and mad…another story! One thing I have learned for certain is that physically abusive people will continue that behavior unless they undergo serious help (which many DO NOT!) Decide to love YOURSELF in this instance and get out of the relationship before you get in too deep to care! Now, on the other side of it, if your partner is taking steps to control and manage his or her temper (or other bad behavior), then they are making the decision to LOVE and that’s a big deal! (smile)

Three, think about the things you love about your partner and then think about those things happening CONSTANTLY. Can live with that? If not, you might want to get out of the relationship before it gets too serious!

Finally, if there are things about your partner that you don’t particularly care for but think you can live with, think again. If the thought goes through your mind that you’ll change him or her (or they’ll change on their own thanks to your influence!) then forget that too because it’s NOT going to happen. He is who he is. She is who she is. End of story! Now that’s not to say a person doesn’t continue to evolve, but I think it’s safe to say that by the time we reach adulthood, we have pretty much cemented into being the person we are going to be.

When I met my true life mate, Mr. Perfect for Me, he passed the criteria I’d learned up to that point. He had a great relationship with his mother, his temper is quick and noisy but physically harmless (even when he’s imbibed a little too much) and his responsible nature does allow for some fun. Given all that, I decided I could deal with his obsession about getting things done NOW rather than later (I’ve a deplorable tendency to do the latter and thankfully he’s willing to deal with that!). Additionally, I didn’t expect to change anything about him! I loved him just the way he was.

Now the problem about relationships is that no one can be on their very best behavior ALL THE TIME! We are HUMAN and we’ll do HUMAN things. Eventually our relationships become work. When that happens, then both partners must DECIDE whether to go on or not. Meaning, of course, that they must decide whether or not they will love their partner enough to stay. My husband and I have done so. When anger arises, both must DECIDE to either stay mad or let it go. My husband and I let it go. It’s a near daily process, this decision to love. Let me tell you, it’s not an easy decision to make when you are really, truly pissed! In situations like that, love is no longer just a feeling, it’s a darn decision!

Example. My husband will NOT drive more than a couple miles over the speed limit no matter how dire it might be that we get somewhere by a specific time.  I’m no speed demon but when I’m running behind, my foot tends to press a little harder on that gas pedal. Not him. Nope. He’s content to be a little late. I have to be honest here and admit that it occasionally grates on my nerves!  As I sit beside him slowly seething, I have to decide whether to keep seething or let it go. I might seethe for the duration of the ride but I do eventually let it go. There was a time, however, when I would not. There was a dark period in our relationship when I DECIDED I was not putting up with stuff like that and I’d harp on him and harp on him until we were fighting like the proverbial cat and dog! During that same dark phase, it seemed I was mad at him all the time and he was just as mad at me. I wouldn’t give in and neither would he. We were both at a point where we were making the decision not to love more and more often! It nearly destroyed us. It came to a point where our relationship looked like it was coming to an end. It was then that I realized I didn’t want it to end. I DECIDED our marriage was worth saving! That was a huge decision on the side of love because it meant letting go of all my resentful feelings! Coming to that decision made me view our relationship from a different perspective. I realized my behavior was not acceptable. All those decisions not to love were definitely part of the problem and I was finally ready to do something about it! He came to the same conclusion and made the same decision! From that point on, we entered a whole new phase of our relationship. It continues to this day. Even so, we still have to make the decision to love quite often!

When you are in the midst of a disagreement, ask yourself this question: Is it worth hurting your relationship to keep fighting? If you keep on with the argument then you’ve decided not to love your partner in that moment. I can tell you this…once you’ve made a decision on whether your relationship is worth saving or not, making future decisions like this are easier to make! When I finally made the DECISION to end my first three marriages, it was a HUGE relief! Those relationships were draining me emotionally. Equally important, when I made the decision to stay in my current marriage (during that dark phase), that too was a huge relief! Big decisions like that…to stay in a relationship or not…help you make future decisions…like whether or not you should continue an argument. Once I made the decision to end those first three marriages, all their tears and empty promises and short periods of perfect behavior did not change my mind. When I hadn’t yet DECIDED to end the marriages, all those things kept it going. I gave in to the tears and the empty promises and the brief periods of good behavior. Conversely, when I decided to end the marriages, those things did not sway me. Why? Because I knew in my heart that the decision I made was the right one.

Although you are constantly having to make the decision to love or not, especially when disagreements arise, don’t make any MAJOR decisions while you are emotionally upset! When it comes to deciding things like whether you should go on with a relationship or not, you need to be in a calm frame of mind. Go somewhere quiet, somewhere that instills peace within you. Think about the issues at hand, the relationship as a whole, and put the question “out there” into the universe. Do I stay or do I go? Once you’ve done this, put your focus on something else, the area around you, for instance, and its calming affect. Think about anything but the relationship and the answer you are seeking! Enjoy a moment of peace and know that your answer will come to you when you are ready to hear it. When that time comes, it will just pop into your head and filter gently into your heart. You’ll just KNOW that decision is the right one because you’ll experience a sense of relief for having made it. I believe moments like these are when our soul is talking to us (or God) and that is why we feel such conviction, such a sense of relief! Armed with your answer, go forth and act on that decision accordingly!

I see so many relationships fall apart and it saddens me to witness the heartache that often accompanies the disintegration. To save yourself from heartache and to keep a relationship going that you WANT to stay in, you must be willing to make the DECISION to love when things are not going smoothly. If you go on the attack, you are deciding NOT TO LOVE. Conversely, walking away from your partner and ignoring their feelings is also a decision NOT TO LOVE. Walking away to calm the situation down is one thing, walking away because you refuse to deal with the situation is something else altogether! Just be sure that if you do walk away, your partner knows it’s because you are doing so in order to calm down the elevated emotions and not because you are refusing to deal with the issue and pursue a resolution to it! Again though, I must caution you…don’t make a MAJOR decision about your relationship while you are upset! If you go with your FEELINGS in the heat of a moment, you are probably going to decide not to love and you may even end the relationship (which you might later regret). Upsetting situations are when you most need to make the decision to love, regardless of how you are FEELING in that moment. This I can’t stress enough…if the relationship is worth saving, then DECIDE to love and act in accordance with that decision! Name calling and demeaning comments are both done when you have decided NOT to love! Bringing up past problems and mistakes is a decision not to love. Walking away from a confrontation that is spiraling out of control is a decision to love (just remember that the issues still must be dealt with!). Compromising is a decision to love. Standing firm on an issue regardless what your partner wants is a decision not to love. Now, in regards to that last, if your partner wants something like another lover (for instance) then you should decide to love YOURSELF and end the relationship! This does lead me to one final point….if you are constantly making the decision to love YOURSELF and not your partner, then you’ve made your decision about the relationship and you should end it. Don’t keep your partner hanging in a relationship that you’ve decided not to love! It will only hurt BOTH of you and it will hurt MORE the longer it goes on!

I think it’s worth noting one more point about unacceptable behavior…make sure you and your partner knows what they are! This way, you both know what behaviors and actions are possible relationship enders! For me, cheating and physical abuse are definite relationship enders!

I got into a discussion on Facebook recently where someone said that evil people are not born that way. My response to that was “Love is a decision. Evil is a decision.” So no, people are not born in any particular way…they DECIDE how they will be as they go through life. All of our behaviors and actions are the result of a decision we make…and all those decisions are based on LOVE or not. Try to be cognizant of where your decisions are coming from. If your decisions are NOT based on love, don’t be surprised at how terribly wrong things can go from there!

I really wanted to share this message with you because I believe it’s an important one to share. I would welcome others to leave comments in regards to this issue. Have you examples of Deciding to Love or Deciding Not to Love? Do you agree or disagree with any of the above? If so, why?

So that’s it, my post in a nutshell…love is a decision. Based on that, I’ve decided to love you all and send blessings out to everyone!

Peace be with you.


It’s been quite a while since I last posted and as usual it’s because there’s been a lot going on! My life gets busier and busier. It also seems to be getting harder. Definitely not easier. The older we get, the more we must deal with, especially when it comes to the loss of loved ones. My last blog post was about the sudden loss of my young nephew. We are still dealing with that, our grief, our shock and disbelief and most of all…MISSING his physical presence in our lives. Since then I’ve received countless messages from people in a similar situation…they lost a loved one and now they want to connect with their spirit. They NEED to KNOW for absolute SURE that their loved one is okay.

I am here to tell you this…this I KNOW: our loved ones in spirit do NOT forget about us and they sure as heck to not LEAVE us. They just don’t. They CAN’T because we are all connected spiritually to each other. We share in the same essence of LIFE…the spiritual force of GOD. Now we have many names for God and it doesn’t matter what name is used…he/she/it/Universal Force/Knowing One/Great Spirit/Allah…etc. It all boils down to the same thing. Argue with me if you will and it matters not. It is what it is. Bold statement to make but I’m feeling bold today. I write what spirit moves me to write and today spirit (God) is telling me to write this. So I did.

I have lost many loved ones from physical life…to include many pets!…and even knowing they are in spirit, LIVING on and by no means gone, I still miss them. I still grief for the loss of their physical presence. I offer myself comfort by imagining them in spirit as I expect them to be…gloriously happy! It gives me some measure of peace but doesn’t take away the disappointment I feel for no longer sharing physical life with them.

I must remind you of this…we AGREED to these terms when we entered this life. We KNEW the score, what it would be like to come here, the fact that we were not going to be happy all the time and living a life filled with riches, our every want satisfied. We had that OVER THERE (on the “other side” as we like to call it). We entered this life to experience things…feelings of all types, conditions of all sorts. Some were born to feel what it’s like to be rich and famous, to have anything they want, others were born to experience what it is like to have NOTHING. Whatever life you are living…THAT IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO EXPERIENCE. Don’t like it? CHANGE it. Easy to say, difficult to do! Actually, to be honest, it isn’t difficult to change the conditions of your life but it is NEARLY impossible to change your MINDS about it! We THINK we are stuck with the life we are leading and so we are indeed stuck. Nothing is hard unless we make it hard. Being human, conditioned to believe as we do, we make everything HARD! We hear about rags-to-riches stories and we hear about miracles and we think…yeah, that won’t happen to me. And so it doesn’t. Goodness…I am sounding a bit like the people who wrote “The Secret” and how the “law of attraction” can work for you!  But you know what? That particular law has worked for countless people! People who overcame the limitations of their minds to experience the change they WANTED. I am here to tell you this…I am struggling right along with you!

I think there is nothing more disappointing than to KNOW something and yet not put that knowledge to use! Example. I am a writer. I’ve wanted to write since I was eight years old. That’s when I wrote my very first story (which I still remember quite well!!). Since that first story, I’ve been OBSESSED with writing. There was a time when I couldn’t STAND seeing a blank paper or computer screen in front of me…I HAD to fill them with words, stories! I am CONSTANTLY making up stories in my head. This obsession tells me that I was BORN TO BE A WRITER! This I KNOW. Yet, and get this, I didn’t publish my first book until I was 48 years old! What?!!!! True story. AND I did it myself. Rejection letters from literary agents nearly destroyed my belief that being a writer was my life calling! Then along came Amazon with the Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) program and suddenly there was no obstacle left to achieving my dream. I do believe that Amazon’s self-publishing program was created to help all of us writers realize a dream. Great, wonderful. Now my dreams have changed a bit and I am looking for READERS! (sigh) Once we reach one goal, we immediately make another, one a bit more challenging than the last! That’s not a bad thing, we are SUPPOSED to be doing that, but golly gee, if only things could get easier once in a while! So here’s my point: I KNOW I was meant to be a writer and I am. I write. I have NINE published books. It matters not that I published them myself or with a small independent publisher. I have PHYSICAL books that I can hold and that were created by me! Yay! Hurrah! BUT (and here’s the kicker) now I want readers to read my books! Not just because I believe my books can help them in many ways but because I want to make a living from doing what I love (seriously, don’t we all?). I don’t expect nor want a lavish life, just a comfortable one where I’m not constantly struggling to pay bills! I’m not out to be greedy. I don’t want much…I just want to lead a comfortable life and I want to have the ability to help others when they need a little help. I KNOW this is possible. I KNOW that if I can just force my limited-thinking brain to accept that this is NOT unreasonable, then I will find all the readers I want for my books! And sometimes it’s even happened. And then for some reason, I put the brakes on the whole thing. Ugh! WHY do I do that?

As much as I believe my stories will help people in some way…by showing them how to connect with spirit and even deal with all the aspects of dealing with spirit…I start second-guessing my ability, my stories, my readers and so on and so on. I will get a five-star, glowing review for one of my books and will be over the moon about it and then I will get a scathing one-star review and go plummeting back to earth, crash landing into despair and muddling about there until another five-star review pulls me out of the mess. It’s exhausting and it’s annoying. I don’t know why I can’t get it through my head that my stories are worthy of being read. They MUST be or they wouldn’t be in existence. It’s that nasty little voice that sneaks into my mind telling me that there are lots of things in existence that seem to have no purpose that causes all the problems. THAT voice, my dear friends, is our EGO. We all were saddled with one…a requirement to enter the earth plane and experience physical existence. Our Ego tears us down, builds us up, determines what we believe, don’t believe, accept, don’t accept, love, hate…etc. It’s a big, big deal to learn how to live peacefully with our Ego. It keeps us grounded in disbelief or sends us flying into flights of fancy and sometimes, when we get it right, we live the life we want! If only I could figure out that last bit on a regular basis! (sigh)

So anyway, here we are. Living a life that some of us are happy with and some of us aren’t. For the most part I’m pretty happy with my life. BUT, I do wish my books were best sellers! (smile) I’m still working on making that dream a reality. I’m not sure why my Ego keeps putting the brakes on that particular dream. I guess it’s a life lesson I have not yet mastered (obviously). Not too long ago I had a Bookbub promotion for my book NO MATTER WHAT. The story is based on reincarnation…which I DO believe in by the way! I wanted to show HOW reincarnation works and how it affects our life and I wanted to show that through a story. That promotion led to over 19,000 ebook downloads! My book made it to the number ONE slot for “Free books” in the Kindle store. I was over the moon excited! Then the promotion was over and the downloads plummeted to just a few books and then down to even fewer books and here I am, back where I started, wondering if I will ever “make it” as a writer. So yeah, I get it about how hard it is to change the conditions of our life. The upside is this: I KNOW it will eventually change, I just have to figure out HOW to make the change. Once I figure it all out, I’ll let ya know how I did it!

So back to our loved ones in spirit. There are many “there” (I put that in parenthesis because being in spirit means to be in a different state of consciousness, a different dimension of experience and not a physical location far from us) that I love and miss. My grandparents are two of them…my Nana and Grampy. I adored them. I loved them with my whole heart and mind and soul. I still do! Their passing into spirit was the hardest, saddest periods of my life. I have other times like that ahead and I dread it. I don’t have any easier time dealing with loss than those who don’t believe they can connect with spirits. As many times as I’ve connected with my Nana and Grampy and many others, I still struggle with my feelings of missing them. Despite KNOWING they are fine and connecting with them many times, I want what we all want…their physical presence. I have to tell you, though, that I’ve had some amazing experiences and continue to get them. My grandparents come through for me all the time. I think about them so much that they enter my consciousness often and give me physical signs of their presence. It’s quite comforting and I love knowing they are around…but I still miss them in the physical sense.

What I am trying to convey in this post is this: No matter how limiting your mind (Ego, belief), you CAN connect with your loved ones in spirit and you CAN change the conditions of your life. You CAN. We all…each and every single one of us…have the ability to connect with spirit and live the life we want. It’s DOING it that’s the problem. You’d think connecting once would make it easier to connect again but it isn’t. Not if your Ego, belief, is creating a problem. Like for me with my books. You’d think making it to the NUMBER ONE slot on Amazon’s best seller list would make it easier to do it again and even stay there but no, that’s not the case. Something happens to make me doubt the situation (like a scathing review!) and sales plummet! As for connecting with spirit, I’ve done it enough that I don’t have many problems with it anymore. Not for myself anyway. I shy away from connecting with loved ones for others. Not because I don’t believe I can but because I worry that maybe I’m not bringing the message through properly. After all, communicating with spirit is not done the same way as we communicate with each other in the physical world. Spirit connects with us through our consciousness and they do it through EMOTION and that is conveyed symbolically. Learning the process takes lots of practice. I have it down pretty good with my Nana and Grampy but when it comes to other people, I get a little shy about it. Meaning my Ego gets in the way! Annoying.

With all the messages I get from grieving people pleading with me to help them connect with someone they have lost physically, I have this to say: You CAN connect with them and are doing it more often than you think! For example, those dreams you get about a loved one in spirit…quite REAL! BUT, let me caution you here…if you have a dream where they are suffering…that is not from them! That is your EGO getting in the way, making you think they are suffering. I promise you, your loved ones are NOT suffering! If you LOVED them, they are LOVED by GOD as well. Your love comes from the Divine Source. If YOU wouldn’t make them suffer, God sure as heck won’t either! I promise you. Now, as for people who do evil deeds…they will totally regret those deeds once they are back in their spiritual form and consciously connected with their soul. They will be very sad for what they did and they’ll be back (via reincarnation) to make amends. That’s how it works. Hard as that might be to accept, even people who do evil deeds have people who love them! They don’t love what they DID but they love the PERSON (their soul…which is pure).

I don’t want to ramble on too much more and make this post too long so I’m going to bring this to a close. In my next post…which I promise won’t take forever to be published…I will help you understand your connection to spirit and how you can recognize when your loved ones in spirit are with you! Until then, I send you loving light and peace, I wish for you to be showered in love and I pray you figure out how to live the life you WANT! More than anything, I wish for those who are suffering grief to feel some measure of peace in knowing their loved ones are NEAR and they are truly okay. More than okay. They are THRIVING with the life force of God. Blessings to all!! May your lives move ever Onward and upward!!

 


Sad girllAlthough we all shall one day cross into the “great beyond”, it is one of the hardest things for us to deal with in life. Despite knowing the soul lives on, the pain of physical loss is difficult to bear. It is especially hard when they are young. People are supposed to live to be ripe old senior citizens. They are supposed to have a long, well-lived life and die peacefully in their sleep. In a perfect world, that’s how it would be. But we don’t live in a perfect world do we?

My recent, devastating loss was a nephew. He was 27 and it seemed to all who knew him that he had much to live for. He was healthy, he was doing all the things he loved to do…fish, hunt, work outdoors. He was a hard worker but he took time to play. He was a good person and loved by all who knew him. He wasn’t perfect, but then who is? There’s not a living soul on this earth who is perfect. When we reach perfection, we don’t come “here”. But I digress.

Not only was my nephew loved by his family, his friends and his associates but he left a great impression on all those he came into contact with, no matter how brief that contact might be. But (and why does there always have to be a “but”?) behind all those smiles and that big heart was a troubled young man. We knew, of course, that he wanted a family, a home of his own and all that went with it, but he had time to get those things. Or so we thought. We knew his financial responsibilities were great but that’s because he was trying so very hard to be successful. He was one of the hardest working people I have ever known.

Despite all he had going for him, his sadness was great. We didn’t know and for that we are troubled. For that we feel guilty. For that we find it hard to forgive ourselves. If only…if only…if only. Those are a constant with all of us. They beat us up as we try to find peace and torment us with the question of “Why?”

I tell myself all the things that should give me comfort…he is not truly GONE, he is TRANSFORMED, his BODY is dead, HE is not, we are sad and filled with grief, HE is finally happy and at peace. We MISS him and yet he is WITH us. But it still hurts.

Sad as I am, guilty as I feel for not showing him more love the last few times I saw him, it is the sadness of my family that digs at my heart. Parents and grandparents should not outlive their children. In the perfect order of things…that’s not how it should work out. But again and I have to repeat it…we do not live in a perfect world.

The question of “Why?” is constantly asked. The desire to understand a nagging, unfulfilled need. Yet I know…I KNOW, that if he was to suddenly appear and give us the answers…we would NOT find satisfaction and peace from it. There’s no good reason, not a single one, for losing someone you love in the manner that we lost my nephew. But (there it is again), for HIM it was enough. He chose to do what he did that terrible, lonely night. WE did not. The one thing he did do that I am most grateful for, is tell us in his final message that although he was not happy with certain aspects of his life, he was not disappointed or upset with his family and friends. Even so, we are sad that we were not enough. We are not to blame for this and yet we feel guilty anyway. Truth is, this terrible tragedy has no one to blame but the demons of negative thinking and the untreated affects of depression.

THINK about this for a moment. Our thoughts CAN be our worst enemy if we allow their abuse to beat us down. BUT (finally a good reason for one of those buggers!) they can also be our BEST champion, our most supportive cheerleader and a tireless, amazing motivator. My nephew’s thoughts took him down and led him into spirit. And now it is OUR thoughts that must lift us up and help us come to terms with it.

There are a few good things to come out of this terrible tragedy, aside from the major one of having our family come together. One, I am making more of a conscious effort to ensure I remember to tell all those I love that I love them. We forget sometimes when we’re caught up in life and I don’t want to forget that anymore. Second, I am motivated to be more aware of what is going on with those I love. Not in a snoopy, “I want to be all up in your business” sort of aware, but in a genuine “I really care about what is happening with you” sort of way. Third, I want to do better about keeping my spiritual connections a priority in my life. My beliefs have developed through the experiences of my soul and I don’t want all that experience going to waste!

Beliefs aside, grief is going to be part of our lives from time to time. Our capacity to love will make it impossible to avoid. We all must go through it in our own way and at our own pace. With love and support, from your self and from others, you’ll get there. We are, after all, spiritual beings living in a physical world and our spiritual connections will help heal the wounded heart.

Once the physical loss isn’t so overwhelming, the shock of it no longer holding us frozen in disbelief, we’ll figure out a way to let go of what can no longer be. We’ll adjust. We’ll go on until we are reunited. Just remember, though, that when you reunite with loved ones “over there” you have grieving loved ones dealing with their loss of you “over here”. It’s a pretty sad cycle isn’t it? Or a joyous one…depending on how you look at it.

In the days since my nephew has passed, there have been signs that he’s still among us. His best friend went to the spot where they last fished together and it had been raining all morning. After having a “talk” with his departed friend, he said “If you can hear me, make it stop raining.” Yes indeed…that rain stopped long enough for it to matter. Long enough to help a grieving friend heal just a little bit. In another instance, a song came on suddenly that was one of his favorites. A song he sang along with the last time they listened to it. And one of my favorite signs was when he gave someone the urge to stop and buy flowers for his brokenhearted grandmother. The florist, it turned out, knew my nephew well and was sad to learn of his passing. She put together the same bouquet she always made when he stopped to buy his grandmother flowers.

One of the things those “over there” often express when in communication with someone “over here” is the frustration they feel on getting messages through to us. They give signs in all the ways they can think of and sometimes we notice, sometimes we don’t and often we explain it away. We label it a COINCIDENCE. Well let me tell you something about coincidences…they are SPIRIT IN ACTION. God’s doing, all.

When we cross into spirit…we BECOME spirit and since it is spirit (God) that makes all things…we become part of ALL that IS. To those of us “here” that means our transformed loved ones can use the sun, the wind, the water, the animals, the flowers…everything and anything to show us their love! They can stop the rain or play a song on the radio, they can urge you to buy flowers or make a heart out of clouds. They can dance around in butterfly wings or use a dog’s nose to nuzzle you. When something happens that makes you think of someone you love who is “over there”…that’s your SIGN they are with you HERE!

I have to share that my grandparents often use billboard signs and license plates to show me they are near. Whenever I am thinking of them quite strongly, I’ll suddenly see their names on license plates or other signage. It fills me with joy for I know it’s them letting me know they are with me still. I KNOW it and I feel loved, connected, when it happens.

I’m sad that my nephew thought his best move was to pass into spirit but now it’s done and we can’t change it. Much as we’d like to. Much as we beat ourselves up in all the ways we could have stopped him…if only we’d known. The thing is…if my nephew had wanted to be stopped from crossing over, then he would have been stopped. What happened, happened because he willed it. And it is that right there that’s troubling us so very much…our feelings of guilt that we weren’t enough reason to live, that we didn’t do enough to help him realize that. It makes no sense why we take the actions of others and make them our responsibility but we do it quite often. Why is that? Unless you murder someone with your own hands, you are NOT responsible for the death of another. No matter what their reasons are. Our actions, reactions and responses are our own. WE are the sole proprietor of our body, our emotions and our thoughts. My nephew was in charge of his life that night he decided to end it. I pray that this has shown all who have been touched by this event to seek help if depression and bad thoughts plague them. If they do not and take drastic measures, the mental and emotional pain will transfer to every single person they love. It is not, I am sure, what my nephew intended to have happen.

I pray that those who are finding it hardest to deal with this tragedy find peace soon. I pray we all move on with our lives and get our joy back. As for my nephew, well he’ll be with us from here on out, sharing our joy and comforting us in times of sorrow. It’s what we do with those we love…whether we reside in the physical world or the spiritual realm.

I pray that peace be with you. For all who are suffering grief in some way…I pray you find comfort in knowing that now they are in spirit, they are CLOSER than ever. Even so, you will miss them. That you must live with. And LIVE you must do because if you are still here, there’s a darn good reason for it! Say your goodbye, grieve, then move on. Focus on love. Peace will come and so will joy.

Blessings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


In my Tess Schafer-Medium series, the main character, Tess, is just what the series’ title claims…a medium, BUT she also has regular communications with her Spirit Guide Sheila. This aspect of Tess’s character is an integral part of who she is. Although speaking to “the dead” is her special ability, it’s her regular communications with Sheila that are more indicative as to her spiritual openness.

We all have Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels. Every single one of us. In fact, we have more than one. How many Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels are assigned to us, I can’t say and wouldn’t even try to guess. The number varies for each of us. Regardless of how many there are, only one is considered the “leader” of each team and that is the one you would interact with the most. If, that is, you choose to do that.

Guardian Angels do as their name implies…they watch over you and are there for you when you need them. They will also greet you when you “cross over” into spirit. Sometimes they might make contact with you but typically it is your Spirit Guide that is your main point of contact when communicating with spirit.

One point I want to make about Guardian Angels is that you MUST ASK for their help if you want it. This is important to know because they cannot intervene or assist you without your permission.

Spirit Guides are actually assigned to you before you are even born. In fact, you worked closely with your Spirit Guides before you entered into this life existence. You had goals and experiences you wanted to encounter here in the physical world and your Spirit Guides do their best to help keep you on track with those goals. Other things like Numerology, Palmistry, Astrology, Tarot cards and the like are tools given to us to help achieve those goals. Sadly, many of us ignore these tools. If we’d pay more attention to them, our life path would move along much more smoothly.

In my book series, whenever Tess wants to talk to Sheila, she just starts talking (usually she runs a dialogue in her head but as we are wont to do, sometimes she talks out loud). Whenever she is in communications with Sheila, she never has to wait for a reply. Now, it’s true that they aren’t usually the answers she WANTS but our Spirit Guides aren’t here to do all the work for us. How are we to learn anything if they just give us all the answers? What they are is our support team, our cheering section if you will. They also help us to see all sides of an issue so there is that!

I can tell you this…they do not and will not tell us what to do. We have FREE WILL for a reason. This is OUR life to live and we are master of our OWN destiny. However, since they know our soul’s aspirations, our purpose for living, they are great sounding boards and are asolutely the best ones to turn to when working through a problem or concern!

Although my book series is fiction, I wanted to show through story-telling what it is like to be a medium and I wanted to expose readers to other spiritual related things…like symbolism, spirit contact and the various divining tools we can all use to help us navigate through the mystery, the drama and the frustrations of life.

In this post, I wanted to give some pointers on how you can communicate with your Spirit Guide. Why? Because no one will be more helpful in getting you to your life goals or through a difficult situation. Another grand thing is your Spirit Guide will love you no matter what. Your Spirit Guide will not be disappointed with your decisions and choices and mistakes. Your Spirit Guide will ALWAYS be your personal, devoted champion.

So how do you communicate? It’s so darn easy it’s ridiculous. Practically unbelievable. But true.

  1. It must be clear in your mind that you are opening up communications between you and your guide. INTENT determines so many things for us!
  2. Start a conversation, directing the question or comment to your guide.
  3. The response will be so quick you’ll think it’s just you talking to yourself. Fine. So what? Go with it! Your Spirit Guide speaks to you through your own thought processes and that’s how it feels, like you are talking to yourself…only you’ll notice a subtle difference to your internal voice. Another thing you’ll notice is their responses are never critical, discouraging or disappointing. It’s ALWAYS a positive experience communicating with your guide. Always. No exceptions. If you are getting responses that make you feel bad or fearful or down then it isn’t your Spirit Guide talking to you, it’s your Ego. We all have an Ego, it’s an essential part of who we are as a human personality. The Ego’s job is to keep us grounded in the reality of this world! Honestly, without an Ego we’d all be wanting to go back to spirit and we’d have said goodbye to this hard life long ago!
  4. If your Ego intervenes, give it something to focus on…music, a candle’s flickering flame, an object, whatever you can find, then try again. Mostly you just have to trust that you’ll hear from your guide, and if you hear any criticism over it, ignore it and wait for the loving voice to start talking! Once you hear that, you’ll be so focused on it that your Ego will be silent.

Now, there are many others who go through rituals to do this. That’s fine for them. If you need a ritual to help prepare you and authenticate the experience then do a search on how others do it. This is how I do it. I’ve tried many other ways and finally figured out (with the help of my guide) that I didn’t need to complicate the process. Thank goodness because sometimes I don’t have a lot of time to go through rituals…I need to talk and talk NOW!

Spiritual interaction is seriously that easy. It’s so easy we find it hard to believe and accept. And that right there is why so many people miss out on developing a close, open relationship with their guides.

Tess shows the process quite well in her stories and I love writing those scenes. I even love that Tess rejected her Spirit Guide for a while when things in her life went horribly bad (in her first book Be Still, My Love). That’s what many of us “humans” do…we get discouraged and we reject the things we thought should have made it better. But the thing is…her Spirit Guide didn’t get upset with her over the rejection and years of silence…because they don’t feel negative emotions. WE do. They do not. The more I write the Tess Schafer-Medium books, the more I am learning about the spirit world and how it all works. This, I think, is spirit’s gift to me! (smile)

So that’s it! Hope it helps! Let me know if it worked for you or share what does work for you…maybe it will help another reader!! We should all be helping each other in some way or another, right?

Just so you know…I plan on writing more posts explaining different aspects of the spiritual processes brought up in my books, just as I did with this one! So if you are interested, be sure to follow my blog. Also, if you are interested in getting a newsletter from me once in a while, please mention it in the comments and I’ll be sure to let you know how to sign up for it when I get it ready!

Until next time…Onward and Upward! May many blessings be showered upon you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two New Books!


Tangled Up Hearts (eBook) 7-26-15Hello again! I promise to keep this post short and sweet!

As many of you know, I write books that involve the spirit world…cozy paranormal mysteries is what I like to call them! My Tess Schafer-Medium series (all found on my author page on Amazon) includes many of the things that I’ve learned and encountered over the years. They also include things that others have experienced and shared with me! Mostly, though, my imagination is let loose and they pretty much write themselves.  Honestly, it’s how I feel when I’m working on a book…I’m just the typist, taking dictation and wondering what is going to happen next! I’ve said it many times and I’ll say it again because it’s worth repeating…our IMAGINATION is the way IN to the spirit world! It also opens the door to spirit coming IN to ours!

My recent book Tangled Up Hearts has nothing to do with the paranormal. It’s a straight up, contemporary romance … my first one to be published!

In this story I wanted to show how a lack of communication and bad assumptions can really mess up a relationship! AND, I wanted to show how those things can be overcome, cleared up and forgiven, bringing happily-ever-after (with continued hard work!) to the lucky couple!

I have to tell you…if I am reading a romance and it doesn’t have a Happily-Ever-After ending…I will NEVER read that author again and I will feel very cheated! (expectations can make or break us, they really can!)

Okay, back to my book. But first, how the story idea came to be. When I was in the military (I served in the Air Force for twenty years, five months and seventeen days) I worked in a career field that consisted of about 90 percent men! In some places (I moved around a LOT), I was the ONLY female on a particular crew! As I went up in rank, I started attending meetings and I can’t even tell you how many of them I went to where I was the only woman present. Talk about feeling invisible! (it often seemed to be the general feeling that I didn’t know anything because I was JUST a girl). Although many of the men in those meetings didn’t give a hoot what I had to say, I made a point of speaking up anyway. Not that it mattered much because I was a female and my opinion wasn’t worth their notice! I did, however, get a great deal of satisfaction out of saying “I told you so” when things went as I HAD EXPECTED and EXPRESSED!

Um, ya, I’m getting off point. That happens when I start talking about my military days. Old resentments and all that…let me shake them off!

Okay, I’m ready to move on!

Aside from fighting for a smidgen of equality, there were a few perks for my situation as well. Working with that many men gave me the opportunity to hear THEIR side of the relationship sob stories (whether I wanted to hear them or not!) Also, being the only female, they expected me to explain to them the mysteries of women! Why do women this and why do women that…why, why, why! They (the majority of the men I worked with) seriously didn’t have a clue most of the time! Honestly, ladies, you have to spell it out to them (if those guys I worked with are a good representation of the rest of the male population). Expecting them to just KNOW is asking for disappointment. The good news? They really do WANT to know! So tell them. Again and again and again if necessary (and yes, it will be necessary!)

Honestly, during those twenty years, five months and seventeen days, I felt like a walking advice column sometimes! Either that or I was fodder for the work-center tabloids! (sigh) Men, I’ll have you know, gossip just as bad if not worse than women! So anyway…I discovered that most of the time, the problem with relationships going sour was all the ASSUMING going on. All the EXPECTATIONS that can’t possibly be met (not ALL of them anyway!) and all the perceptions made that were WAY off point!

I wanted to write a story where all those things were involved. Of course there had to be physical attraction too! Next I had to give them (the feuding couple) HISTORY and a past that wasn’t all bad. We do like to cling to our memories don’t we?

So, once I got the basics out of the way, I allowed the story to commence. Holy cow did those two get on each others nerves! But where sparks fly there’s more than meets the eye (hey! A poet and didn’t know it!) (Smile)

I love books where the couples bicker and fight their attraction and yet, despite everything, they fall in love. So that’s how Tangled Up Hearts came to be!

Moments in the Moonlight - (eBook)Now, the story to follow MOMENTS IN THE MOONLIGHT…which will be released on New Year’s Day and is available for pre-order…does get back to my paranormal roots! That one was a lot of fun to write because it included romance and paranormal phenomena!

The girl lead in this book showed up briefly in Tangled Up Hearts but this is NOT a continuation of that story.

In Moments in the Moonlight, I wanted the focus of the story to be the romance but I couldn’t resist having the story take place in a haunted inn! I thought having a ghost involved would make it a little more interesting! Also, I let my characters from the Tess Schafer-Medium books put in an appearance! Tess, being a medium, was a perfect fit for the story and I totally enjoyed meeting her through a stranger’s eyes!

Okay, that’s it! I just wanted to get the word out about the two books. I’m so darned excited about them! I feel like blushing when I think about my mom and other family members reading them but I don’t care. I’ll just deal! (smile)

As for future posts to this blog, I’ve decided to cover each of the Tess Schafer-Medium books and the paranormal phenomena that pops up in each story. Where did I get the ideas? What DO I believe? Is any of that real? Does “the light” REALLY keep you safe? HOW do I know that what I’m saying is true? All those questions, I shall strive to answer. So if you are curious about it…spirit contact of various forms, hauntings, ghosts, the after-life, spiritual symbols and messages, well then you might want to visit back…or better yet, FOLLOW this blog!

Thank you for reading! I do pray for continued blessings to shower upon each and every one of you during the new year ahead!!

 

Spirit Blessings!


Hello dear friends! I hope the holidays were special for all of you! This is a time when you are either over-flowing with happiness or going through a rough time. It is especially hard to experience a holiday without ones we love! BUT…you must know what’s coming…they are NOT GONE! Spiritually they are more connected to you than ever. In fact, they are CLOSER to you than ever because they don’t have physical boundaries!

Thinking strongly of a loved one in spirit will immediately bring them near you! So, you see…they are not gone! I do understand, though, about wishing for their PHYSICAL presence. Sure I do! We are in a physical world and are physical beings. However, since it is what it is…then KNOW that your spiritual connection is just as important…MORE so in fact!

I get so many people writing in asking about their loved ones in spirit. Honestly, crossing over is a very peaceful experience…regardless how one’s body dies! Once the soul lets go of the body, the entire experience becomes spiritual and whatever horror the body might be going through…the soul is not experiencing it! So, be at peace on that issue! One of the things none of us want for those we love (or even don’t love) is for anyone to suffer. Our soul steps in once the decision is made to let go of the body and cross over and then wondrous things begin to happen!!

I see how sad people are for losing a loved one…and I’ve gone through it a few times this year myself!…and I have to remind myself that the one who has crossed over is HAPPY. We are supposed to find comfort in the words “They are in a better place” and maybe to some extent we do find some peace over that, BUT we still must go through the grieving process of letting go!

The two most traumatic losses for me was my grandparents. My Nana and Grampy. I was especially close to them and I loved them so much it was a physical pain, a real hurt in my heart to lose them! My grieving process took years. I still miss them and it’s been over 30 years since they passed! BUT, I am close once again with them. Now that my grieving pain is over, I allowed our spiritual connection to become known to me! They give me signs of their presence ALL THE TIME!

When we cross over, we truly do meet up with all those we loved and lost…to include our animals! I’m looking forward to it but I’m in no hurry. I’ve got a lot to love right here (in the physical world) as well!

So anyway, just wanted to pass on that quick message, especially since my own losses have been on my mind recently.

Wishing you all continued blessings throughout the new year ahead of us! Peace and Joy to all!

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